You Aren't Alone
by Nana Three Hundred
Summary: Rivaille (Levi) and Eren journey to a secluded mountain in the wilderness outside the Wall Maria for special training. After spending days and nights together both men begin to see each other in a new light
1. Chapter 1

Hi there! This is my first time writing anything for SNK and I have not read the manga so all I know is what I've seen in the episodes of the show! I know that the Corporal is supposed to be "Levi" but Rivaille sounds so suave and agh blame the original translators~

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**Chapter 1.**

_Just know you're not alone_

* * *

"I just want you to know you aren't alone."

Corporal Rivaille glanced back at Eren with the same cold eyes but his mouth betrayed the hint of a smile. The rugged territory was strangely beautiful in the dim light just before sunrise, green fields turned gold as the sky exploded into light. To Eren, the Corporal looked like an impassioned god outfitted in his 3D gear, the metal parts and half-dollar silver buckles gleaming. Rivaille was one of the best. His attacks near perfect, his form flawless, his courage unmatched among men under 160cm. Eren believed what the Corporal lacked in vertical prowess he made up for in his resolve to save mankind.

It had been for that mission that the two man team had set off to traverse countless valleys and open plains journeying to the mountains for special training. Four days had already come and passed on this long road, but Eren had found comfort in his teacher's silence; Rivaille gave off the comfortable type of silence that was in no way uncomfortable but instead emanated an amiable aura. On their first day Eren followed behind the Corporal two steps behind but over the course of the four days now found himself walking side by side with the dark haired man. When they had set camp at night the Corporal had made little talk besides the necessary "Here, food" or "Fill that bucket with water". It was largely for this reason that in the budding morn Eren was startled by the Corporal's words.

"Ahhh...Thanks," Eren mumbled back as a light blush sparked across his cheeks. He looked at his feet. Somehow his boots were always more reassuring than Rivaille's face. The emerald eyed boy's next words were rudely interrupted by the growling of his stomach and the Corporal laughed at it's animalistic growl.

"I guess we deserve some real food, ne?" Smiled Rivaille which creeped the hell out of Eren, "We deserve it after those rations!". For the past four days the two had survived off of the raw potatoes they carried in their packs and military issued biscuits. Both men were craving meat. Eren swore he only looked away for a few minutes but in no time three freshly filleted hares were sizzling over an open fire. Beads of fat dripped down the lean cuts and hissed every time a drop or two fell on the flames below. When the meat was slightly blackened and sweet the Corporal handed two of the hare to Eren keeping one for himself.

"I don't deserve two, you are hungry too..." Eren always felt shy around the corporal completely opposite from his normal cocky attitude.

"No, I want you to eat them. Plus see that peak behind me? That's our destination. Our new home."

"Until when? How long will we stay here?" Eren asked back with a woeful glance at his meat before tucking in.

"Until you can control your titan shift and match my skill level as a human soldier. Then we can return as are our orders from the top."

Rivaille looked at Eren who was savagely tearing hare meat off bone with mild distaste and ate his own food classily. Rivaille could understand the loneliness Eren must be facing while apart from his friends. He missed his own legion like family. Although they wished it different, both boys knew that for the indefinite amount of time it would take for Eren to complete his training they would only have each other. Somehow that would have to be enough.

"Dis shish real y gwood!" squeezed out the older boy over a full mouth. Little specks of juices and meat stuck to Eren's face around his mouth. So unclean.

"Hold still, there is food stuck to your face you _freak_" said Rivaille, his brow wrinkling.

Pulling a white hanky out of his breast pocket of his uniform Rivaille leaned over and wiped the bits of meat away. "All better now. You eat like an animal" commented the older and froze as his bare fingertips grazed Eren's face. Eren did not seem to notice. Rivalle threw on his stoic mask and hoped for dear life that Eren did not see the flash of pleasure that passed across his face. The pair packed and strode off on the final leg of their hike.

Eren's mind wandered in the silence following breakfast,

_This is like a whole new world. I miss Mikasa. But...for some reason, when I am with the Corporal I feel like I'm home._

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**Nana here! I know this was short, but there is not enough Ereri! People! Write stuff!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2. **

_Don't pay no mind to the demons_  
_They fill you with fear_

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The clouds above Eren's head spun. He was panting heavily, perspiration running down his face and back making his uniform particularly uncomfortable. The ground had never before felt so comfortable.

"Up on your feet soldier!" reached Eren's ears but like any other boy in training standing up for another round was the last thing he wanted to do. He rolled his head to the side to try to block out some of the sun instead to look at the red earth beneath his feet - until the toes of polished black boots consumed his vision. A mangled

"Aghhh" escaped Eren's mouth and he jolted upright as the Corporal gave his leg a light kick. Although Eren expected the Corporal to be furious that he was slacking off during training his senior had a kind expression on his face.

"You've worked hard enough for this morning. Let's take a break." The two had been performing agility training exercises since sunrise and Eren was beat. While he was red and gasping for air the Corporal never even broke a sweat. While Rivaille's back was turned Eren shrugged off his jacket and stripped out of his shirt,

"Oi, Corporal, where's this stream you were talking about last night?"

"About a five minute walk from here. Follow me." Rivaille turned around to motion Eren to follow. Bare chest, abs, shoulders sleek with sweat. For a young boy Eren was built strong but lean. The two meandered between knotty pine and coniferous trees making small talk with the occasional out of person chuckle coming from the Corporal. But as soon as Eren's eyes grazed the water of the mountain stream he was gone from Rivaille's side, shoes, thigh-belts, and jacket abandoned on the shore before cannon-balling into fresh water.

He ducked beneath the surface and swam forwards breaststroke. Taking a mouthful of stream water he stealthily paddled forwards with only his eyes above the waterline towards the unsuspecting Rivaille. It was almost too easy. Hollowing his cheeks, Eren sprayed Rivaille with a mouthful of water. The Corporal's eyes grew wide as droplets dripped from his hair and ran down his forehead rolling in liquid trails across the ridges of his cheekbones and the valleys of his cheeks. Although the "ERRRENNN" that exploded from his mouth was gruff and unamused, his eyes told a different story glittering with a competitive flame. Eren was already halfway back across the stream fleeing the Corporal's wrath as Rivaille silently undid the multitude of buckles and belts on his uniform and stripped before sinking into the water.

"AHhahahaha I bet you didn't see that coming Corporal!" Laughed Eren and turned once he reached the reeds lining the riverbed on the opposite side. His gaze was met by an empty riverbank. "Corporal?" he called out in a worried tone and began paddling back the way he came, the fun mood instantly ruined. Although the mountain seemed like a refuge compared to the combat surrounding the wall Maria Eren kicked himself for being lulled into a false sense of calm. The woods were dangerous - uncharted territory. Mankind simply did not know the flora and fauna outside of the walls that probably had poisonous toxins or sharp teeth. And Rivaille was a fun-sized snack for a hungry beast!

"RIVAILLE! WHERE ARE YOU?" Eren screamed to the waiting forest foregoing formalities in search for his friend. A vice clamped around Erens ankle and dragged him under. Eren scratched at the surface of the water, his head was tilted back and eyes filled with terror. He couldn't get enough air for he had used too much of it screaming. Sure he had thought the woods were dangerous - but what about the rivers? As children his mother had read him fairytales with all kinds of man eating giant underwater creatures like trolls or kappa or giant snakes or mermaids? What if this is a mermaid. _Oh shit i'm gonna die_ Eren thought, _it has to be a mermaid!_ The illustrations Eren remembered from the fairy books were horrifying! Mermaids had the half body of a fish, half human with long tangled hair of seaweed and skin the color of algae. Their scales were sharp like mussel shells and easily sliced through human skin. As he was pulled deeper pearly air bubbles escaped from his mouth in silent screams. He was a soldier! Dieing this way would be a sin to humanity! His lungs burned.

Ten feet under Rivaille internally grinned to himself. Every cocky cadet needed to be shown their place now and then Eren no exception. It was too easy to stalk to where his junior's pale limbs treaded water and seize a leg in his iron grasp. Smirking, he had pulled his cadet under. Payback was sweet. He had not expected Eren to put up this much of a fight. After seeing the stricken look on Eren's face as the air escaped from the younger boy's lungs Rivaille judged that his joke had gone far enough and after linking an arm around Eren's waist kicked both of them to the surface.

Eren gulped in air as Rivaille managed to tow the green eyed boy back to the pebbled shore of the stream where their clothes lay. The younger boy propped himself up on hands and knees as he took unsteady breaths to regain his balance and calm the beating of his heart. Rivaille was stretched out on his back besides Eren his sides heaving with laughter.

"and then when your back was turned I slid into the water and got your ankle! You should have seen your face!"

"Shut up." mumbled Eren as he coughed up more water. He didn't know why but that fleeting moment where he had felt he lost Rivaille was one of the most terrifying experiences of his life.

"and you kept on saying 'NOOO MERMAID DON'T EAT ME!' you are such a little kid" laughed Rivaille as he reached out to poke Eren in the side, "I think you'd make a tasty mermaid meal".

"I said no such thing you IDIOT!" retorted Eren. He spun and crouched over Rivaille's torso pinning the smaller man's arms above his head on either side at the wrists. "You'll take that back. I'm not little and I'm not a kid!". Eren tightened his grip on Rivaille's wrists and an evil glimmer came over the younger boy's face. "If anyone is a shrimp it would have to be Rivaille, you midget!". Because Eren was new to Rivaille's company he did not know that no one commented on the Corporal's height. Somehow Rivaille managed to flip both of them so he was now on top. Eren squirmed and suddenly froze as he felt the cold prick of steel against his neck. Checkmate.

"The first rule of being a soldier" cooed Rivaille, "never let down your guard". The knife disappeared back into the folds of Rivaille's pockets and the Corporal stood up leaving Eren on his back completely confused.

_How did he even? When did he get on top? Where did the knife come from when he had no shirt on? Did he pull it out of his ass? I feel like an idiot. Shit._ thought Eren and he felt his cheeks burn. Turning his head he saw the Corporal far ahead. He didn't even look back. Eren hustled to pick up his clothes and hurry after Rivaille.

The Corporal had won this round.

* * *

_**~Later that day~**_

The night sky stretched out like a celestial brocade above the two men on either side of the dying embers of their campfire. Up on the mountaintop the hillside sighed with the swishing of the wind through tall grass and the sputter and pop of wood-sap touching flame.

"C-corporal...Are you awake?" whispered Eren. His face was illuminated a soft shade of tangerine by the light of the smoldering embers which contrasted with the sky above.

"Yeah"

"Umm..are you sure?"

"I just said yeah you idiot, obviously I am awake" Rivaille groaned, "what is it?"

"Do you think mermaids are real?"

"Of course not. They are just in fairytales!"

There was a silent pause while the two of them shared mutual embarrassment.

"Really...You are afraid of mermaids?" Rivialle couldn't help but let out a chuckle, "You fight titans - heck you become a titan but you are afraid of flippity little mermaids~ ?"

"bitch I might be!" Eren shot back and rolled so his back faced the fire with a huff. Rivaile could be so cold.

"It's okay to be afraid, Eren" the Corporal said more gently, "we all have our fears".

Eren just grunted in reply, still mad.

"For example...I am afraid of..." Rivaille wracked his brain for an example that could comfort his companion, "germs."

"Really." said Eren in a completely monotone voice.

"Yeah...I've found that big things like titans, you included don't scare me. It's the small things that you _can't see_ that are the most dangerous"

"Oh so things **like you** - small, can't see, most dangerous.." replied Eren trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.

"Feking kid, you asked for it!" roared back Rivaille. The Corporal sprang to his feet and stalked around the circle to where Eren was curled up in the fetal position. Grabbing the fringe of the military issued wool blanket he ripped the blanket off of Eren's venerable frame.

"Who is _so_ microscopic they can't even be seen?" sneered Rivaille as he held Eren's blanket above his head triumphantly, "newsflash kid, but I can do BIG things."

"Give it back! I'm cold" whined Eren as he folded in tighter on himself. The mountain air had a chilled quality to it that seeped into one's bones.

"Agh fine," Rivaille said as he dropped the blanket back onto Eren's frame and started to head back to his place on the opposite side of the fire, "get some sleep. Training tomorrow will be rough, _you'll need it_".

"Wait" cried Eren as an arm snaked out to grab the back of the Corporal's pant leg. "Stay on this side of the fire" Eren hiccuped, "please".

Rivaille looked down at the emerald eyed boy's form and sighed for the millionth time that day. "Fine. Just let me get my blanket".

When Rivaille returned with his pack and blanket Eren was already drifting in and out of consciousness. His sleepy face had an almost adorable quality.

"Rivaille won't let the …. mermaids eat me, ne?" he mumbled into his blanket, "Especially the mermaids with pointy teeth?"

Rivialle settled down a chaste four feet away from the body of his companion and wrapped himself up in his blanket like a sushi roll.

"I won't let the mermaids eat any of my comrades, Eren." He murmured back folding his arms behind his head to stare up at the sky.

"and I won't let any of the bad germs eat Corporal" slipped from Eren's mouth before the younger boy was out cold.

_I'd like to watch you try, idiot~_ mused Rivaille, then he too joined Eren in a deep slumber on the mountaintop, beneath the never ending sky.

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**_Nana Here!_**_ :I wanted both Rivilalle and Eren to show each other their weaknesses in this chapter! For some reason I felt like Eren having a completely irrational fear would be precious: thus after musing over mythical creatures mermaids seemed fitting :) Who knows, maybe Eren had a scarring experience fishing as a child. I hope you guys enjoyed, be sure to review so you can let me know how I'm doing and what you would like to see next! For those of you who were looking forwards to training, that will be dispersed throughout the next few chapters :) _

Also big thanks to Thearchivist, Orithyea, and azab for reviewing!

_Until next time..._


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3.**

_Hold on, to me as we go_

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The darkness of the night was sliced by a raw scream. It originated from the blanket covered mound to the side of Rivaille. The Corporal sat up, his eyes darting around for any signs of attack before his eyes landed on his comrade Eren. The younger boy's shoulders shook in his sleep as he whimpered like a newborn puppy. Nightmares. Rivaille knew that he himself must have terrifying dreams after all the carnage he experienced on a daily basis, but he was unable to remember his dreams when he awoke. He turned and tried to fall back asleep but Eren's cries escalated, broken sentences and words interspersed between the screams. Rivaille put his pack over his head but gave up when Eren began to thrash on the ground wildly. It would be inconvenient if Eren transformed into a titan in his sleep. Crawling over to Eren's sleeping form Rivaille gently shook the boy's shoulder.

"Mama?" murmured Eren reaching to grab onto Rivaille's arm, "Don't leave me alone, don't-"

Rivaille tried to detach the Cadet from his limb but the more he pulled away the tighter Eren clutched to his forearm. "Mama?" Eren whispered again, "Mama? Mamma! Mammaaa!"

"I'm here Eren" Rivaille sighed and laid a hand on Eren's forehead that was slick with sweat. Running the hand through Eren's silky hair while murmuring those reassuring words over and over Eren gradually calmed.

Rivaille shivered and yearned the toasty warmth of his blanket just a few feet away. Playing mother duck was _not_ in the job description. Being the single person to train Eren was difficult enough, but now this? Eren's hand fell limp. Leaving the boy Rivaille returned to his blanket ready for a restful night.

**~Forty Minutes Later~**

"NO! Stop it. I swear I will kill all of you! Mankind will be victorious!" roared from Eren's sleeping mouth. The fire had long since died down and the two soldiers only warmth came from their blankets.

_Not this again_ thought Rivaille_ I need sleep! I need sleep! Shut up shut up! Why did I have to get the problem child, I can't survive months of this much less one night! What am I? A wet nurse?_

Staggering to his feet he stumbled over to Eren and stroked the boy's head like one would a small child. Rivaille was ready to kill. Eren quieted and his face resumed a look of youthful innocence, completely betraying the mess he had just been moments earlier. After checking one last time that Eren was okay, Rivaille left. His eyes were bloodshot and his limbs heavy as he carried himself back to his spot.

The same thing happened four more times that night. Eventually Rivaille gave in and covered Eren with his own blanket. Sitting in front of Eren cross legged he cradled Eren's head in his lap. They must have sat there together in that same spot for hours as Rivaille smoothed down Eren's hair in long strokes. The younger boy's breathing deepened with every passing moment. For some odd reason Rivaille realized that he didn't _mind_ their position. It was comforting being so close to another human being while so far away from the rest of the human population. Stars followed their trails across the sky with the passing time. And in the pale light borne from dying stars millions of miles away Eren's sleeping face held an ethereal beauty and majesty. While staring at Eren the Corporal felt like he could just lean down and hug the boy. It would be so easy to intertwine arms and legs and hold one another, just to reassure the other that they were not alone.

_What is with this fluff I'm thinking ugh. I think it's time to sleep, this little bitch will have to survive on his own tonight. _

On second thought Rivaille placed his own blanket over the mound that was Eren to warm the sleeping boy in his absence. After returning to his own spot he curled up on the ground now teeth chattered together; it felt like every wisp of wind that fluttered by was stealing the warmth from his soul. Rivaille rolled and stood up, for attempting to sleep was useless. Plus Jaeger would pay for it in the morning during training. If one thing made the Corporal irate above all others, it was stolen sleep.

With nothing else to do Rivaille began his own personal training regime even before false dawn seeped into the sky. His grueling sets of sprints and body weight exercises guaranteed that he was always in tip top shape, and that he had the rock hard abs, muscled chest and shoulders, and tight butt that the ladies loved.

As he ran he vented his anger towards that IDIOTIC Eren in speed and strength. The rocky paths to the mountain peak were no match for Rivaille's burning fury. He reached the peak just before sunrise washed over the horizon. The Corporal's grin stretched as wide as the skyline as he thought up the perfect payback for Eren. The colors of the sky were always more beautiful when painted with revenge.

* * *

"Eighty seven"

"Eighty eight"

"Eighty nine"

Eren's arms screamed for relief as he dove into his ninetieth push up. That bastard Rivialle had decided that Eren lacked in upper body strength - thus the push ups. Normally push ups were no big deal, but they were heck of alot harder with the Corporal seated on his back, poking the cadet every time he skimped on a pushup.

"Ninety one"

Eren tried to glare over his shoulder up at Rivaille,

"You seem like you are enjoying this a bit too much! UGH." By trying to glare at his superior Eren's balance failed and his breath was knocked out of him as he hit the ground with a dull thud, Rivaille still on top.

"You are such a weakling, kid." Rivaille shook his head with obviously false sincerity, "Anyways moving on~"

The smaller man stood up from his seat on Eren's back and brushed the dust from his pants. Eren's eyes widened in surprise when the Corporal offered out a hand to help Eren to his feet, which Eren gladly accepted with a smile and a quick thanks. The Corporal's hands were slender with long fingers compared to the small size of his hands. Eren had expected the Corporal's hands to feel like a girl's but instead they were calloused and scarred, but not rough. The green eyed boy could tell just by holding Rivaille's hands that he had not done manual labor his entire life. However, every cadet knew better than to inquire on the Corporal's personal history.

Eren was rudely pulled out of his daydreams by the stick that was thrust at his chest. Rivaille held a matching stick and settled into ready stance,

"I want you to come at me with everything you've got. Imagine this stick is your blade," Rivaille explained while lifting the stick to chest height, "your attacks must be accurate and precise. When facing any titan larger than 7 meters the hits you land that eliminate the titan will be the deciding factor whether your team dies or survives. The more unnecessary and ineffective hits you place, the higher you and your teammates are at risk". Rivialle stretched out a hand and beckoned with one long finger. "Now go!"

The ground blurred under Eren's feet and he deftly swung at the Corporal's left side but Rivaille ducked and side stepped Eren's advances. His stick whooshed just inches from the top of Rivialle's head and he internally gulped. Rivaille would most likely be pissed once he landed a hit.

"You're distracted again..." Rivaille said in his bored!voice and a sharp SMACK followed his words. Eren collapsed forwards to his hands and knees. While he had swung at Rivaille's head, the smaller man hand ducked and spun counterclockwise to make a backhand hit on the backs of Rivialle's knees. The force of the blow made Eren fall forwards, off balanced.

"That was unfair!" Eren hissed as he nursed his sore joints, "You never said anything about hitting me back!"

"I couldn't help it," said Rivaille, "I saw the opening so I took it."

Eren jumped to his feet and walked intimidatingly close to the smaller man, leering over him,

"and _how_ was that beneficial to training?"

"Rule number two of being a top soldier. Expect the unexpected. Nothing is impossible."

Eren glared down at Riviaille and the Corporal stared back up meeting him with a competitive gaze. A section of hair had flopped in front of the Corporal's eyes during their sparring and Eren absentmindedly brushed it away.

"Ne, Corporal. You have pretty eyes" Eren said without thinking and then froze as he was internally kicking himself for saying something so personal...to the Corporal of all people!

"Pardon?" Rivaille said thoroughly confused and batted Eren's hand away from his face.

"I just thought that your eyes are nice..." Eren bumbled with growing embarrassment. He had to cover it up. "When they aren't trying to kill me." he finished awkwardly.

"Jaeger, take ten laps around the mountain. Run full speed. I'll be watching you." Rivaille said quickly and rushed Eren along. Although he wouldn't publically admit it, no one had ever complimented his eyes before. Most people said his eyes only gave looks that could kill.

"Yes Sir!" shot back Eren. The cadet took off on the path leading around the mountain and Rivaille reclined against a tree trunk.

This kid Eren really was one of a kind.

* * *

Eren grimaced as he made his way around the mountain for the third time since Rivaille had sent him sprawling in the dust. What had he done to deserve this treatment?

Rivaille had seemed unusually cruel since the moment the Corporal's boot connect with his ribs earlier that morning, awaking him from the lovely warm sleep he had been enjoying. When he inquired about breakfast, the Corporal replied that he wouldn't get any while muttering something about "rules of a soldier blah blah blah". Even more, the training session seemed to have no definite end. Eren's arms were bruised from blocking Rivaille's advances in hand to hand combat. He had cuts littering his ankles from where the Corporal had made him scale a vertical rock face, barefoot. When Eren asked how the Corporal's night had been Rivaille had replied "I had the best sleep of my life" cooly, and then made Eren balance on a post for an hour while standing on one foot! The push ups were the worst. Eren could still feel Rivaille's icky sugary satisfaction practically dripping off the man.

He himself had slept soundly. He faintly remembered the ghost's touch of his mother's hand stroking his hair. It was impossible. His mother was gone. But however faint, those memories gave him his resolve he needed to protect the people precious to him. The ones he still had left. Mikasa, Armin, all his friends were fighting their own battles. Eren also had to push through with his own power.

An odd memory of the day's morning flitted through Eren's mind.

Why had he woken up with two blankets? He was sure he had drifted off to sleep with one.

Eren shook his head. _Impossible._

* * *

**Nana here!:** If anyone who has read the manga can give me character quirks about Eren or Levi it would be much appreciated! For some reason I just wanted to see a pissed Rivaille taking his lack of sleep out on Eren. Of course Eren is partially responsible for that ;)

As always thank you to :**azab** and **Orithyea **who reviewed chap. 2!

Until next time~

And a super special thank you to Orithyea for catching my many typos (^_^) **  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4.**

_thunder showers_

* * *

Both men were sprawled out on their backs in the tall grass. The two had flushed faces. The green eyed boy was breathing heavily. Eren's chest swelled and fell with his unsteady pants, and his heartbeat was a staccato pounding in his veins. Besides him Rivaille relaxed. He was stretched out long like a cat with his head resting on his arms that were tucked behind his head. A long reed of grass bobbed from where it protruded from the corner of Rivaille's mouth. His sinuous chest flexed, and in comparison, Eren's looked liked a ten year old boy's.

Face red, Eren turned to study the Corporal who was spacing out while watching the clouds move. If people could see the Corporal in the same ways as Eren, Rivaille would probably be a lot more approachable and a lot more human. But then again, Eren was not the one to go judging who was human and who was not. Eren had been around the shirtless Rivaille before, but he was never able to look long enough to study the Corporal's physique. Eren's eyes burned along the Corporal's collarbone, then downwards. He had expected a toned stomach, but not the faint white lines of old scars that were a shade lighter than the rest of his skin. The v shaped lines of muscle that dipped under the Corporal's waistband drew Eren's eyes further downward. Fuck. He couldn't stop staring at the Corporal's crotch. It was like one of those moments where one rests their eyes by looking off into the distance but then notices that a boob or a butt was in the direct line of sight.

"It's too hot" mumbled Rivaille over his reed of grass.

Eren gulped and tore his eyes away as fast as one rips of a band-aid.

"Eren? You asleep?" asked Rivaille lazily and let his eyes drift downwards to meet Eren's face. "You look red. Are you sick or something?"

"No!" Eren protested and covered his cheeks with his hands, "Yo- It's just hot...outside".

_That was a close one. I almost called the Corporal hot. Brain, stop it!_ Thought Eren as he internally cursed himself for his loose tongue.

Rivaille nodded. He had felt Eren staring him down for the past five minutes. No harm could come from playing with the kid a little bit, right? He shifted to his side so that his toned chest was angled towards Eren face on. Propping his head in one hand he looked deep into Eren's eyes. Rivaille could practically see Eren's pupils dilate. He raised the other hand so it was in front of his face, palms facing outwards.

"Ack. I got a cut on my finger" Rivaille hissed.

Keeping eye contact with Eren the whole time, he licked his ring finger from palm to fingertip. Eren's eyes widened and moved from focusing on on the Corporal's face to his finger. The younger boy's heart was fluttering like a caged bird inside his chest. A bead of sweat ran down the tip of his nose. Rivaille paused,

_this is more entertaining than I thought it would be,_

he mused. The Corporal smirked and slowly took his whole finger into his mouth, rosy lips pursed around the digit.

Eren felt like screaming.

The look in Rivaille's eyes spoke loud as day that he was only teasing or playing some sort of sick joke, but Eren could not prevent the flush that heated his face.

"Umm...Corporal?" Eren asked hesitantly, "Do you need a bandage?"

Rivaille took the slick finger from his mouth and instantaneously his stoic face returned,

"I have assessed the situation and this injury will not be of any inconvenience."

Eren stared back completely confused.

_What just happened?_

The green eyed boy sat up and ran a hand through his hair. Rivaille could be so confusing!

"I need to take a walk" Eren began to say, but the clouds cracked and the rain fell. While Rivaille had been busy sucking on his finger the sky had begun to boil. Dark gray, the cloud cover blocked out the sun, and the heat in the air had dissipated becoming moist and cool. Rivaille rolled to his feet and sprinted for the shelter of the treeline as Eren stood frozen in place. Water ran in rivers down his chest and past the hollow of his neck. A rumble grew deep inside and Eren laughed warm shaking laughs, the type of laugh that made every person in the room smile along, even in the darkest moods.

* * *

Eyes narrowing, Eren turned and chased after his superior. They both slipped and slid in the wet grass, but Rivaille was especially nimble and pulled far ahead of Eren despite the difference in stature. Eren grinned and charged ahead slowly tightening the distance between himself and the Corporal. Glancing over his shoulder, Rivaille faked a slip and tumbled to his knees. But just as Eren thought he had caught up, Rivaille stuck out a leg tripping Eren before stealing off again at top speed. Eren rolled forwards on the ground with a uumph!

The trip stung slightly but he couldn't hold in the laughter that rippled from him. His pants were probably ruined, stained brown with mud. Rivaille would pay for that. Eren pretended to lie still for a few minutes while his hands were busy shaping a perfect spherical mud ball. Climbing to his feet, he ambled the last three hundred feet to where Rivaille now lounged underneath green leaves. Eren cupped his hand behind his back and wore his best mask of innocence.

"So the big fast titan finally arrives" sneered Rivaille with a mocking smile plastered across his face.

Eren cocked his arm and threw. SMACK. Rivaille spluttered and coughed.

"YOU LITTLE BITCH!" Rivaille roared and bumbled around trying to wipe the liquid soil from his eyes. Once the two blue orbs flashed open still surrounded by icky mud Eren fell to his knees laughing.

"I'm sorry Rivaille...uh...I mean, Corporal!" Eren gasped, "You might need a good cleaning!"

"Watch me scrub that smile off your face!"

"You are welcome to scrub all you like Corporal, but I doubt that you are tall enough to reach my face"

At Eren's words Rivaille charged, pinning the younger boy against the ground.

"Oh. I can't reach your face?" Rivaille cooed, "I'm too miniscule to conquer the big bad titans?"

Rivaille swiped a finger along his face to coat the tip with mud.

"Just watch me, Eren" Rivaille used his finger like a paint brush and dragged his fingertip from Eren's widow's peak, along his forehead, down the curve of his nose, until they paused over the green eyed boys lips. The older boy internally smirked as he felt Eren's abdomen convulse beneath him.

"Uhhh Rivaille?" Eren whispered seeming to have lost his voice.

Rivaille shushed his comrade. Leaning down Rivaille tilted his head, lips slightly parted, and dove. Eren saw Rivaille's hooded eyes but could do nothing but freeze as the Corporal sunk lower. The older boy's lips were rosy and full; Eren could feel a ghost of the older boy's breath on his own lips. Eren's eyes drifted shut in anticipation.

He waited.

Nothing happened.

A low snicker poured out from the Corporal's mouth and into his ear. Eren's eyes flickered open and he saw the blurry outline of Rivaille sitting up on his chest.

"You really thought-?" began Rivaille, and then facepalmed.

"I...I...umm...ahhh.." Eren wriggled out from under Rivaille and tried to think of anything besides how much he had wanted to feel those lips just seconds before.

"Kid, you have a vivid imagination" murmured Rivaille. The older boy scooted backwards to lean against the tree. That was too close.

Eren pushed himself to the other side of the tree so he would not have to look at Rivaille - he didn't actually know if he could, after that.

The rain steadily fell with no sign of ending. Both men stared longingly at anywhere else.

"Umm Rivialle?" squeaked Eren.

"Yes?"

"Later, can you help me clean my clothes?"

"You don't know how to do your own laundry? What am I? Your mother?" sighed Rivaille.

"Armin normally does it." said Eren, slightly embarrassed. He could sense the Corporal's disgust from the other side of the tree.

"Oh" shrugged Rivaille. "I guess I could help you...just this once, you hear me?". This kid really was helpless. Whomever used their authority to let the kid walk into battle truly was an idiot. He could barely take care of himself!

"Ahhh thanks" Said Eren as he silently grinned. He could save himself the embarrassment of inside out worn ten times underwear.

* * *

Rivaille startled and turned to peer around the tree at the sound of rustling and the occasional "oomph!"

"Come on baby!" Eren cried and Rivaille didn't know whether he should shield his eyes before looking at his charge.

"Eren. The fuck are you doing?"

"Stripping, duh!" smiled Eren and tossed a soggy and muddy pile of fabric in Rivaille's lap.

"You said you'd wash my clothes!"

Rivaille stared down at the messy garment's in his lap utterly pissed. _That little shit! Whoever said I'd wash these pants, shirt..._ Rivaille's brain froze.

_UNDERWEAR?_

The Corporal's chin jerked up. Eren was already running out into the rain laughing, the tight globes of his bare ass shining a bright white compared to his tanned back.

Rivaille shook his head a faint smile on his face.

_Kids these days...Ne, they can be so unpredictable._

* * *

**Nana here!: **_It has been raining for the past few days non stop. After spending so many days curled up inside with my puppy and a warm mug of mint tea I thought that Eren and Rivaille should have to sit out in the rain. They haven't made a shelter yet, ne? When I was a kid a part of my grandma's lawn turned into a giant muddy slip and slide. It was fun (for Eren too ahahah). _

Thank you to all the people who reviewed and sent me nice things, you guys are the ones that keep me writing! **Orithyea, Red-The-Drawing-Ninja, azab, Miyu, IsyPerolla, sauri555 ! ***kisses*

Until next time~


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5.**

_Lilies and Daydreams_

* * *

"Ahhhh!"

Eren panted as the tension became too much. A drop of sweat ran down his naked chest and the younger boy caught Rivaille's eyes following the damp trails.

Eren's muscles screamed with a primal strength and he pushed harder. He just needed a bit more. His body yearned for a release.

"It's too big!" Rivaille practically screamed "HNGGGGG" at his younger counterpart who's eyes flashed with an animalistic fury . "Push harder you IDIOT!"

"Bu-but-but Corporal! Isn't this too much for you?"

"Shut up!" The Corporal spat back and took a sharp intake of breath as something warm and wet sloshed across his abdomen. Too heavy... Rivaille thought and internally cursed himself What a mess!

"You can tell me if it hurts!" Cried Eren, "We can stop!"

"Don't you dare pull out on me, Jaeger!" the Corporal howled back. His mouth was set in a determined line.

Eren stared at his senior with a concerned face. He knew that the Corporal's thighs must be trembling with fatigue by now. The brunette could tell by the way Riviaille's grip was clenching and unclenching involuntarily that the Corporal was tiring. No pure blood human could last this long. Rivaille's bangs were plastered to his forehead with sweat. A sprinkle of red dusted the cheeks of the two tense creatures and they blushed the way one would after a shy first kiss outside the door of their parent's house.

"I want to do this. I do. But I don't want to hurt you" Eren whispered. His face flared more red with exertion.

"I'm not as weak as you think" Rivaille smirked, "Just ask Irvin"

"What would Irvin know about _this_?"

"Oh. A lot more than you think, you _child_"

Eren felt his pride flare and lost control. He pushed especially hard and immediately winced at his rash display of strength as Rivaille's shrill shriek pierced his eardrums.

"Hell, I'm a lot bigger than you" Eren bragged after the push that left Rivaille reeling, "You are older than me but look, you're so small!"

"SHUT UP!" Rivaille heaved. It hurt. Like he was splitting in two.

The two comrades were carrying a behemoth copper tub by it's two handles up the stoney near-vertical trail that wound around to the mountain's southern-facing side. Rivialle was leading the way pulling on the handle that was on the higher side of the tub while Eren was lower on the trail pushing the copper container from behind. Though normally lightweight and efficient, the tub was weighed down with a month's worth of sweaty and muddy shirts, pants, blankets, and undergarments. For the past hour the pair had made little progress up the one incline they now faced. It did not help that Eren had accidentally dropped his side of the tub just minutes after they had started walking and squished Rivaille's fingers beneath it's metal bottom. The Corporal had cursed and tried not to show too much pain, but judging from the purple and rose welts that blossomed on his knuckles the drop had hurt, a lot. After that incident Rivaille had been snappish and blunt and criticized Eren every time the younger boy stumbled over rocks or fallen branches.

After all, it should have been an easy task! But as much as Rivaille hated to admit it, the tub when filled with clothes was too much to handle for someone of his stature. He had hoped that Eren could carry the damn thing for him but the younger boy was too clumsy, too uncoordinated, and too Eren. Rivaille didn't trust a scrap of his clothing near Eren's dirty fingers. He had agreed to do the laundry, so the laundry the Corporal would do.

After much grunting, wheezing, and expletives the men dropped the tub next to a trickling thermal fed underground stream. Steam rose off the clean running water that was paradoxical to the alpine air. The water bubbled up from deep from the earth's core where it was heated by subterranean volcanos. Although the stream was shallow and narrow, it provided the only "hot" water on the mountain. Actually, hot was an understatement.

Eren crouched and moved to dip a finger in the water but his hand was stopped by Rivialle.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, Idiot." Rivialle sneered and let the younger man's hand drop, "It might just burn your titan fingers bad enough that they won't grow back."

"What?"

"It's a thermal spring fed stream. The water is scalding. Imagine your skin being boiled on your hand, alive."

Eren visibly cringed and backed away from the stream. He plopped down on a pile of pine needles a good distance back and smirked up at Rivaille,

"I believe you said you'd do the laundry. So do it."

Rivaille whipped out a large deerskin bag that was tucked in his belt and unfolded it to its full size. Holding it by the strap, he lowered the body of the bag into the water until it was filled, then gingerly spilled the water from the bag into the copper tub. It took twelve trips until the tub was filled.

Eren watched, his face screaming boredom as Rivaille dumped a good half cup of powdered laundry soap into the tub and used a pine bough to stir the contents of the tub. The water bubbled and faded to a murky brown as Rivaille attacked the the sodden clothes as if he was slaying a titan. He slammed the garments to the bottom of the tub, stirred vigorously, and literally chased the dirt from the fabric fibers. Soap bubbles clung to Rivaille's torso, some to his chin, and a particularly comical fluff to his forehead. Eren held in his laughter as the forehead bubbles bobbed with every ministration.

"Hey Rivaille~" Eren called out lazily and rolled over to lay on his side facing the Corporal, "Does your hand hurt?" His eyes were met with the Corporal's death glare.

"It doesn't effing hurt!"

"It sure looks like it hurts" Eren's eyes narrowed, "You're favoring your other hand!"

"And whose fault do you think that is?"

"Mine."

"Damn right you idiot" Rivaille pounded the clothes harder and just watched as the soapy water cascaded over the side of the tub to mingle with the dirt underfoot.

"I can bandage it for you later...I know how to make a witch hazel paste that helps" Eren said timidly and averted the Corporal's eyes, "If you want..."

"Ew freak. Don't touch me!" Rivaille hissed back. Eren's face fell. The Corporal sighed. Maybe that had been just a bit harsh. The kid looked close to tears. "I guess you could bandage it for me when we get back" he sighed. "But whatever you do, I better not be losing any fingers" He added on.

Eren's face lit up like a puppy's.

"Okay!"

* * *

Rivaille had long since wandered off to hunt down lunch, and Eren reclined in the long grass surrounded by fluttering garments that were slung over low hanging tree branches. The clearing besides the stream smelled very like soap, and summer meadows, and fresh linen, and very much like the Corporal. Eren had noticed that while he sometimes smelled like a sweaty beast Rivaille was impeccably scented like a breath of lily of the valley. A lazy thought struck Eren. Did the Corporal use perfume? An unusually strong gust snatched one of Rivaille's shirts from the nearest branches and it fell over Eren's face like a ghostly cloth. It was warm and smelled like sunshine and bunnies and all things warm and fuzzy, Rivaille included, and Eren was too lazy-and too damn comfortable to rehang the Corporal's shirt.

The gentle murmur of the stream and the shifting patterns of sun and shade lulled Eren to a dreamlike state of semi consciousness. Time had no hold on Eren's mind and he felt so at peace (especially when Rivaille was not there to nag). He mused over what made the Corporal so cruel. His affections were like dragonflies over water; one moment they skim so close that their wings nearly brush the surface, but the next they flit away and are distant once more. Of course the Corporal did show random moments of kindness, like when he let Eren do twenty eight laps instead of thirty. But whenever Eren felt he was honestly beginning to see through the doors to the Corporal's heart the older man closed up. Eren's resting face scowled at the unfairness of it all. While the Corporal knew almost everything about him, he knew nothing about the Corporal. He breathed in deeply. Calm.

* * *

Just a short time later when Rivaille stumbled back into the clearing with two filleted and bbq-ed pheasants. He noted Eren curled up on the forest floor with an amused smirk. The kid was always slacking. Withdrawing a handkerchief from his breast pocket Rivaille set the meat on the cloth. Starting at the nearest tree, Rivaille took down and folded the washed and dry clothes. Every so often he snuck a glance at Eren. He could not be sure that the younger boy was asleep but decided that every soldier deserved a good nap, once in awhile. Birdsong filtered between the trees like an alpine lullaby and Rivaille himself was feeling sleepy. His hand ached, his back ached, and finding the birds for lunch was work enough. Sitting back, he tucked into the meat and quickly and cleanly finished his meal. Once all the laundry was folded and stacked Rivaille sat back, puzzled. He was positive he had washed his favorite shirt, but it was nowhere to be found. The calm of the clearing eased the unrest in his bones over his lost shirt and he too drifted off into slumber.

Across the clearing from the Corporal Eren clutched Rivaille's shirt to his chest tightly with his nose pressed into the collar. His dreams were carefree and frivolous for the first time since the titans breached the Wall Maria.

**{Inside Eren's Dream}**

In the dreamland Eren was in a clearing much like the one in which he slept. It was warm, and safe. Eren's face was resting against Rivaille's chest. The Corporal's linen tunic was soft against his cheek, and through the fabric he could hear the stead fast rhythm of his senior's heartbeat. The Corporal was murmuring sweet words over and over that flowed in through Eren's ears and warmed the cold inside his bones.

_"Eren, I'm never letting go, never letting go, never letting go."_

_"Eren, you are my home"_

_"Never let go"_

The faint scent of lilies in the air, in the dream, was twice as deadly, and twice as sweet.

* * *

**Nana here~ : **_Hello everyone! I am sorry for taking so long to update! It was my birthday, and I graduated high school, and I started work for the summer so things have been crazy! But I did miss writing Eren and Rivaille doing cute things so here you go! I wrote thing on the train home from NYC on my phone so please let me know if you notice any major mistakes, or mistakes that take away from the story! _

_On a second note, does anyone know how to cure a cat obsession? _

**_Thanks to Orithyea, AsakuraHannah, azab, Red-The-Drawing-Ninja, sauri555, HomodachisInc, AddictedToMxM, and IsyPerolla for reviewing! _**

**_I like it when you guys talk to me :) It makes me grin like an idiot for hours and hours and days :) _**

* * *

_Until next time~ hearts from Nana_


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6.**

_Born and Raised in a Crimson Haze_

* * *

The sun had long since travelled it's wide arc across the sky. A dove gray pigeon flapped, then tucked in it's wings and spiraled downwards to land upon Rivaille's sleeping shoulder.

"Tweet"

The Corporal blinked twice, sat up, and rubbed his eyes. He did not remember falling asleep, but now the shadows had lengthened and the chilly air bit into his exposed skin. He glanced over at Eren but the kid was snoring gently. That slacker.

"Tweet"

Rivaille cocked his head slightly puzzled as the bird hopped from his shoulder to the mossy floor. It incessantly pecked at it's scaley right leg. Rivaille reached out and felt the leg with his hand. It was just as he had thought. Bird mail. A keen eye was needed to spot the tubular leather pouch embossed with the military's insignia that was strapped and hidden behind the bird's belly feathers. The Corporal undid the buckles with a flick of a finger and snapped open the satchel. Using a pinky, Rivaille withdrew the scrolled up featherweight paper and rolled it open. His eyes quickly and efficiently scanned the message. His mouth fell into a concerned frown. Tearing off the unused bottom of the paper he scrawled a quick note with a charcoal splinter.

[I understand. I will await further orders]

The scrap note was slid back into the pocket and the tube re-buckled to the pigeon and Rivaille tossed the bird into the air where it took off with an undignified squawk. Unfortunately for Eren, there was no longer time to be wasted sleeping. Stalking over to Eren, Rivaille tapped the younger boy with his boot. Eren groaned and rolled over.

"Eren. Get up. Now."

"I dun wanna"

"Eren-" Rivaille growled menacingly, "we've got to run, so get your sorry ass up"

Eren rolled and Rivaille noticed a spot of white clutched in the boy's hands. He bent over and pulled hard-the white fabric ripped from Eren's grasp. Eren roused,

"Give it back" he said sleepily, "that's mine"! Rivaille's eyes narrowed,

"That's my favorite shirt!" Rivaille shouted, "WHY DO YOU HAVE IT! YOU DROOLED ON IT!" By now Rivaille was thoroughly pissed. Eren was completely awake and scrambled backwards and away from the flambing Corporal. The brunette could practically see snakes and fire erupting from his head. Just as Eren was sure the Corporal was going to kick him or spray him with disinfectant the older man stopped and recomposed himself.

"I'm sorry!" Eren squeaked and tried to curl into a ball.

"That aside, Eren, we have more pressing matters" Rivaille sighed and glanced in the general direction of the human settlement. "I just got pigeon mail from head quarters. Apparently the scouting team has spotted a pack of titans heading in our direction. They seem to be the rouge type and will be here in half a day. We have orders not to engage in combat."

"So we're just... leaving?" Eren peeped, still scared that Rivaille would punch him.

"Yes. We should pack now and move out by nightfall."

"But where will we go?" Eren stood up and dusted off his pants, "How much longer can they keep us apart?" Rivaille picked up the clean laundry and placed it back in the copped tub. He motioned for Eren to take the other side and together they lifted the vessel.

"We should head south." Rivaille shot back.

"South?" Eren navigated around a pine bough and started down the path behind Rivaille. He could see Rivaille wince every time his knuckles brushed the metal sides. Hopefully the Corporal would still let him bandage them later.

"To the desert" Rivaille didn't turn to look back at Eren as he spoke. "Have you heard of the great deserts, kid?" Eren blushed. Rivaille only ever seemed to see him as a child. They were never eye to eye. The brunette jerked out of his daydream,

"Armin had a banned book about earth outside of the walls. They talked about oceans, and deserts, and mountain ranges so high that the peaks pierced the clouds! I think the book mentioned that the desert is vast miles of sand". Eren cocked his head as his mind reached for more information, "But why would we go there willingly?"

"The desert is, as of now, the only place I know of where the titans will not follow."

"Why?"

Rivaille shrugged. "I guess they just can't take the heat. Honestly, nobody really knows. In all my time outside the walls I have never once encountered a titan in the desert".

Eren began to speak, but then fell silent. Above the two the sky was stained red. The walk back to camp was quicker than the walk up the mountain. Rivaille immediately started packing every item into their two packs while Eren buried the charred remains of their fire pit under fresh moss and went about gathering nuts, berries, and the smoked squirrel bacon that Rivaille had made in the days prior. At the river Eren filled their eight canteens with water. As far as he knew, there was no water in the desert. But maybe it was just special training.

Returning to camp, Rivaille had the packs ready. The infamous copper tub was strapped to the back of Rivaille's bag.

"We should be leaving now" Rivaille huffed in what he thought was his deep alpha voice.

"But Corporal! Your hand! Let me bandage it!"

Eren's eyes were big and sparkly and puppy like and Rivaille just couldn't say no - so instead he said,

"Alright."

* * *

A scream echoed between the surrounding mountains. The raw terror the voice held came straight from Rivaille's lungs.

"FUCK! EREN! I thought you said you'd make it better, not worse!"

Rivaille hissed as Eren sloppily tied the bandage off at the ends. The wrapping was so tight his fingertips were turning blue with every passing second. Deep breaths. Rivaille tried to calm himself but then thought fuck it and tore the wrappings off with his free hand. Eren looked like he was on the verge of tears.

"I...I thought I did it right! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Did I hurt you?"

"Almost cut off my effing hand! Did I hurt you my ass!"

"Let my try again!" Eren pleaded and pulled Rivaille's hand towards his chest, "That was my first time tying bandages!" Rivaille pulled his arm back and leaned backwards to use his weight to his advantage. Why did Eren have to be of such monstrous size! It was as if the odds were against him.

"Wasn't your father a doctor?" hissed Rivaille, "Didn't he teach you anything about first-aid? Or were you too dense, you IDIOT!" Rivaille's hand was in a tug of war. His fingers were being stretched away from his palm farther than humanly possible. The ligaments between the joints in his hands nearly stretched to the breaking point.

"He was a doctor yeah, but I was young! I only watched! And sometimes I helped out, but I never had to do anything completely by myself!" Eren dug his heels into the earth and stretched backwards, "JUST LET ME FIX IT! I CAN DO THIS!"

"JUST LET ME GO!" Rivaille screamed back. The older boy's jaw was clenched and he attempted to pull away twice as hard. "LET" he panted, "ME. GO!"

Eren, momentarily stunned by the ferocity present in the Corporal's voice froze and ceased his pulling. Rivaille, who was pulling with all his might fell over backwards with the force of his own yank - but sent Eren sprawling - skewed over his own form. On his back, Rivaille's face was mushed into Eren's chest. The younger boy's chest was heaving air, his heart beat pounding. The brunette's arms were slack on either side of the Corporal's body and one knee ground into the earth between the Corporal's legs. Rivaille's eyebrow twitched.

"GET OFF OF ME YOU BEAST!" he howled and tried to knee Eren off. Their height difference was not to his advantage. The brunette writhed but could not budge.

"I can't!" Eren cried, "I tangled in your damn bandages!"

During the fall, the long white lengths of cloth that had just previously been choking Rivaille's hand now knotted and bound the two boys together. The more Eren struggled, the more tangled the knots became.

"Stop moving." Rivaille said in a low voice. Eren froze. Rivaille had not called him an idiot. He was serious. "I'm going to move my arms up and around your back" Rivaille calmly explained as his arms curved around Eren's broad shoulders to clasp behind the brunette's shoulder blades. Eren's face was flushed tomato red. He prayed the Corporal could not see his coloring.

"Use your right hand, and slip that loop of fabric off my arm" Rivialle instructed calmly. Eren held his body weight up and off of Rivaille's body. His shaking hand slid down to unhook the band of cotton and he pulled Rivaille up and closer to him for better access. Eren's cheeks burned; in this proximity he could feel every centimeter of Rivaille against himself. Even his...! Eren gulped and willed his mind to focus on their task at hand. De-tanglement.

"What next?" Eren inquired, and tried not to sound too eager.

"I'm going to curl my legs up around your waist. Use that same hand to reach into my back pocket and get my flick blade. I think it will be quickest to cut the knots off." Rivaille's long legs lifted to wrap around Eren's torso. Rivaille was not amused. He could feel more than he was comfortable with, and judging from the size of that thing he felt pressed up against his abdomen, his size made him inferior in more ways than one (harharhar bad joke).

The Corporal ground his teeth as Eren's paws probed around his ass. He swore one gave his ass cheek a quick squeeze before finally closing over the knife. Rivaille rolled his eyes.

"Aha! I got it!" cheered Eren as he grinned broadly. But as he struggled to open the blade with one hand the thing flew out of his grasp and into the tall grass just feet away. If Rivaille's hands had not been around Eren's neck he would have face palmed repeatedly for five minutes. "Oh god! Oh god! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Corporal! You can punish me or whatever! Just please don't be mad!" Eren whispered into Rivaille's neck.

Using his free hand as a prop, he struggled to his feet with Rivaille still straddling his body like a koala in a tree. Eren stumbled over to where he dropped the knife and Rivaille groaned and vowed to block this failure out of his memory. The comical duo's compromising position made Rivaille seem like a needy whore!

After too many failed attempts every bandage was sliced off and Rivaille gracefully removed himself from Eren's person. His hand ached more than ever. He stalked away and shouldered his pack before setting off down the trail. Eren was glumly standing in the same spot. He had felt all of Rivaille. And he liked it. Especially that assssss. Looking up, he saw Rivaille motion for him to follow. Grabbing his own pack he ran after the older man, but followed a respectful distance behind. He was positive Rivaille must be mortified.

* * *

In some ways leaving this campground was saddening. This field was where Eren had trained hard. He had thought that after staying here for however long the military wanted he would be allowed to go back to Mikasa and Armin, but now everything had changed. His return home was uncertain. Heck, they might never allow him back inside the walls like a normal human being.

In the time they had stayed the mountain had become like a second home. There was the rock that the two sat at every morning for breakfast and bitter coffee. There was the river in which Eren had "splashed" Rivaille. He had become accustomed to the windy days and the breezy nights. It was like his last link to humanity, ripped away. Eren's face fell. He really was a monster. Probably the only reason their group of two was being targeted by rogue titans was because of him.

As Eren's thoughts troubled him the waxing moon climbed high into the sky. It gave off the blue glow of a pearly night light and the stars helped Rivaille navigate in the night. Rivaille had been silent the whole time and did not offer himself as an outlet for conversation. Eren's feet dragged.

_What am I trying for. I swore to kill every titan. But they want me to stay as far away from titans as possible. I swore to protect my friends. But I wouldn't even know if they were killed. I feel like humanity has abandoned me. What? Am I some sort of freak?_

Eren's fists clenched and his fingernails broke through skin drawing blood. He took in a shaky breath and exhaled long and deep. Somehow everything would be alright. It had to.

"Eren."

The boy's musings were broken by Rivaille's voice.

"Eren. I know what you are thinking right now. Don't. It's not healthy." Rivaille did not turn as he spoke and Eren's accusing eyes drilled holes in the Corporal's back.

"I'm never going home, am I." His statement was not even a question.

"I wouldn't say never. Never is a long long time."

"I won't get home to see Mikasa or Armin before I'm dead!" Eren spat back, "How long can I keep running! The titans want me gone! Most of the human population want to see me dead! Armin has brains so he can survive!" Eren's face fell as he brooded, "Even Mikasa is stronger than me!"

"Eren, that's not-"

"Don't tell me it is not true. Nobody needs me." Tears pricked at the backs of Eren's eyes and he swallowed a small whimper. Suddenly out there on the open trail he felt so empty and so alone.

"I need you." Rivaille said back, his voice eerily calm. His words washed over Eren like a wave of comfort and light and warmth. The brunette's shoulders relaxed and he paused where he stood letting it all sink in. Somewhere an owl hooted in the distance.

"You need me?" Eren mumbled and stared at his feet. He had been doing that alot lately.

"Yeah. You're my partner and my student for this mission. H.Q. might think differently, but I think you might be the key for solving this whole mess. Even though you are a bumbling idiot, I need you, humanity needs you. You are hope."

Eren's brain was on fire.

_Rivaille needs me! Needs ME! He needs me! Rivaile! Needs! Me!_

His thoughts were cut by a sharp karate chop to the head. While Eren had been wallowing in self pity Rivaille had circled back to knock some sense into the boy. After all, a good captain knew when to give words of praise, and when to criticise.

Eren sunk to his knees, stunned.

"Up on your feet, Jaeger!" Rivaille called out boredly and stared down and his collapsed partner.

_Yada yada what a troublesome kid,_

though Rivaille. Who knew one measly kid could require so much work!

Eren's happy daze cleared and he noticed a hand inches from his face. He looked up and met Rivaille's eyes.

"Well, aren't you going to stand up? We still have a long ways to walk before tomorrow."

Eagerly Eren grabbed Rivaille's outstretched hand and hauled himself to his feet. Rivaille gave the kid a pat on the back and walked ahead letting Eren linger behind.

This would be a long night, he could already feel it.

* * *

_**Nana here~:**__ Today it was hot and it thunder stormed, again. Anyways, I hope every one of you readers is well and I hope you enjoyed this chapter! This was kind of a transition from their mountain camp to the desert! Just imagine a sweaty muscled Rivaille in harem pants! Did I mention I have a thing for guys in Harem pants? Ahh well. Yesterday I bought a cute beaded cat ear headband. My mom thinks I've gone batshit-cat-insane. _

**Thanks to IsyPerolla and Whit3Noiz Tenri, Shadowgirlaot, azab, and Sauri555 for reviewing! **

**Be sure to review and let me know what you think so far or just say hi or tell me about you cat fetishes, whatever! Just I like hearing from you guys! And it is really nice when you tell me when I have major typos 3 **

* * *

_Until next time! ~ nana :)_


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7.**

_wayfaring stranger_

* * *

As night faded into dawn the two trudged on. The trek was not getting any easier. The mountain upon which the two had spent days and nights together was on the outside of the mountain chain. Eren was sure that at one point the mountains had a name - they regally stood steadfast and tall cloaked with white clouds. But in all their majesty the mountains were not easy on Eren's feet. The Corporal was tireless and maintained a brisk pace through all hours of the night, not bothering to wait up for a heavy breathing Eren.

_If I thought training was hard, this is purgatory!_

Eren internally groaned. The cold air bit Eren's exposed skin but he was perspiring from the effort. Every time he stopped to catch his breath he was sweaty and cold! Of course Eren had considered calling out to the Corporal to beg for a break, but after his little outburst earlier he didn't think wise of it. As much as he hated to admit it, walking behind Rivaille had other perks: the view. Rivaille's bum cheeks were like two ripe watermelons, perfectly round and perky. Eren couldn't believe that he was so hungry he started comparing the Corporal's ass to food. But then again they hadn't eaten in hours.

It was late noontime when Rivaille dropped his pack and settled down cross legged on the ground as he waited for Eren to catch up. The Corporal took Eren's silence throughout the trip thus far with mild surprise. Although he had honestly wished to take a break hours ago, testing the kid on his endurance was well worth sore feet. It seemed Eren had more guts than he had originally thought.

Unfortunately, all traveling had to be done on foot. Although the soldiers carried 3D gear, the devices were only to be used in emergencies because of the limited gas supply that was carried with them. The brunettes gait seemed to be off, Rivaille noticed. It was probably blisters. The walk to their old campsite had been a walk in the park compared to this hike. High elevation and thin air made it all the more challenging.

From the corner of his eye Rivaille pretended not to watch as Eren melted to the ground next to himself. Digging through his pack Rivaille tossed the brunette a squirrel bacon and sat back to watch as Eren devoured the thing. The way the green eyed boy used his mouth...it was as if Eren was trying to seduce him! The combination of teeth and tongue on the bacon and the peculiar shape of this *_cough_* piece of bacon made Rivaille feel different. He shook his head to clear his thoughts and hurriedly shoved a biscuit down his throat. Bad idea. Choking, Rivaille grabbed at his throat his face turning redder by the second.

"Uhhhh Rivaille? You okay?" asked Eren with one eyebrow raised as Rivaille pointed at his throat and wheezed.

"yyees chok Help!" the older boy squeaked out, but either Eren was hard of hearing or just scatterbrained like usual.

"What? Can you say that louder?"

"CHOKING!" Squeezed out Rivaille. Eren's face lit up with recognition and he smiled,

"You could have just said so!".

Rivaille rolled his eyes in annoyance and nearly bit off his tongue as Eren delivered rough back blows in between his shoulder blades. The soggy hunk of biscuit shot out from his esophagus and rolled a bit in the dust. Eren was visibly disgusted. He nudged the partially chewed hunk of food with his foot and kicked it away.

Rivaille didn't feel like eating anymore.

"Hey...Rivaille?" Eren slyly asked and could not keep a chesire like grin from spreading across his face. Rivaille stiffened and rotated to face his companion in a choppy marionette like fashion.

"What is it Jaeger."

"Since I just technically saved your life, I think you owe me a favor."

Rivaille sighed and wanted to bury his face into the sand like an ostrich, "And I thought you helped me out of the kindness of your heart. Pity."

"What I want can be painless, if you like it that way" Eren smiled and bridged his fingertips together to form a steeple, "I want you to give me information".

"If you want to know ANYTHING classified by the government - I can't, so don't bother asking".

"No, no, you've got it all wrong, Rivaille! Uh..I mean... Corporal! I want to know about you!" Eren bumbled with excitement as he bounced in place. Rivaille's mind raced. He was a quiet type of man that like to keep his private matters to himself. He got the odd feeling, however, that Eren would delve into his mind and pick apart his past no matter what he did to prevent it.

Rivaille's voice cracked and his eyes darted around for an escape, "What would you like to know?" Eren's face lit up and he scooted a little closer.

"You can sing, can't you?" he whispered and placed a single digit over Rivaille's lips to hush the older man as continued, "I heard you singing while you were bathing two nights ago. I want you to sing me a song as proper compensation for my noble deed!"

Eren was squirming with excitement. Rivaille's voice was like liquid amber flowing into his ears with the sweetness of honey. It was a deep baritone with more layers than the ocean but at the same time raw and powerful when hitting certain pitches. His song had the power to awaken emotions inside people that they did not know they had. The few notes that Eren had heard stirred his soul. He needed more.

Seeing that there was no way out of this Rivaille cleared his throat and began to sing,

"I'm just a poor, wayfaring stranger"

he kept beat on the ground with his foot,

"Traveling through this world alone" Eren felt the drum beat of Rivaille's heart connect with his own at the same rhythm.

"There'll be no sickness, no toil nor danger, in that bright land to which I go".

Rivaille's eyes were hooded as he let the emotion of the song overtake his voice, his whole body. Every centimeter of his body down to the atoms that made up his being sung with the nostalgia and hope of the song. It was overpowering, like sinking underwater, and Eren's head tilted slightly back as he let the music wash over him, sink into him, move him. He found that his head was bobbing to the beat and felt released.

Rivaille moved on to the soaring chorus,

"I'm going there, to meet my mother. I'm going there, no more to roam"

Rivaille's voice dropped in volume becoming more tender and sensuous,

"I'm going to cross, the river Jordan."

He paused briefly,

"I'm going over, I'm going home."

Both men sat in silence as the lingering vibrations sung then faded away. The haunting melody was imprinted in Eren's brain. In a way the song hurt. He could not remember all the words that Rivaille had sung but the song stayed fast inside his mind and itched. He wanted to hear it again. He wanted to know the reasons for someone to write such a song. He wondered where it came from.

"That was a song from before the walls" said Rivaille dryly. The older man did not seem open to more questions, but Eren needed more.

"Could you sing it again? Please? I..I just want to know why! Why that song! It hurts..."

"Maybe I'll tell you someday, kid. But as for another concert? In your dreams!" Rivaille said with a thin smile and shouldered his pack once more. Eren got the message to follow and dragged himself along behind once more.

Just this time, his feet walked to a phantom beat, the beat of a wayfaring stranger.

* * *

**_Nana here~: _**_Hello my lovely readers! I had an extra long wait at the train station today because I missed three trains in a row so I made this little in between chapter. I guess you could think of it as a lollipop to hold you over until the main dish coming up sometime soon. It is still thunder raining. I miss the sun. Anyways, I am playing a solo gig at a local bar next week and had to make my set list and dug up wayfaring stranger. For some reason it reminded me of Rivaille and Eren and then I though, wow, what if Rivaille sung it to Eren. I feel like Rivaille would have a great voice, no idea why! But just imagine him serenading you in that rich baritone! Ah! Everyone always loves the baritones best! For all my lovely cat ladies and cat gentlemen I did go and play with cats in tutus. They were super cute and fluffy and I wish I could rub my face in them all day! Your reviews that everyone sent me made me super happy and I am glad to know that people look forwards to chapter updates! Thank you thank you thank you! May all the fluffy kittens cuddle with you! _

**Thank you to HomodachisInc, Orithyea, Whit3Noiz Tenri, azab, IsyPerolla, Red-The-Drawing-Ninja, Sauri555, guest (ahaha), and GrimmjowYaoi for reviewing! **

**To all you other shy readers who hide behind their computer screens leave me a review! I know you are reading so you can make me very very happy and write longer chapters if you just write a little something in the box below! You can even tell me your favorite colors! (think of it as a social experiment if you like), or whether you are a fire, water, or air, or earth person! Just let me know what you think! **

* * *

_Until next time! ~ nana_


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8.**

_Hide and Go Seek_

* * *

They stood at the edge of a precipice overlooking the vast gold. The horizon cut through the landscape like a thin line of charcoal separating sand and sky. Dry wafts of wind floated up from the desert floor gently tossing Rivaille's hair. Although the pair was hundreds of feet above the moving sands, they needed to take a treacherous climb down the rock face below to reach the first dune. Eren's back was turned and it was then that Rivaille began to shed his layers in the way a snake sheds it's skins. Off went his cloak, his jacket, his sweater. The garments were dropped into a wrinkled mess besides his booted feet. The Corporal's muscled chest gleamed with a dewy sweat in the sunlight and that paired with the man's pale complexion made the Corporal stand out from the surroundings like an exotic bird.

"Hey Rivaille!" Eren turned grinning, "Can we-" he froze drop mouthed as his eyes grazed the Corporal's half naked form, pupils dilating, pulse quickening. Internally Rivaille smirked. His charge was still unable to mask his emotions and his face spelled out every thought...even the less innocent ones. It was too fun to tease the boy - he was practically still a child anyways. Rivaille subtly angled his body to align with the sun so his abs were illuminated with a godly glow. Eren gulped and fought to drag his eyes away, but it was a losing battle. _Fuck._

"Did you have a question, kid?" Rivaille asked in a voice deep and smooth that was worlds apart from his usual monotone. Reaching down, he unclasped the buckles on the leather belts constricting his thighs and waist whilst keeping eye contact with Eren the whole time.

"No sir!" Eren squeaked and he could not restrain the blush that peppered his cheekbones.

Rivaille's mouth spread into a thin smile, "Are you gonna keep drooling or start being useful and undressing?" Holding his slacks up with one hand Rivaille tapped against the rising rock face behind him. The thuds resonated dull one after another until a lone tap sounded hollow. The brunette watched puzzled and flushed as the Corporal dug his fingertips into a crevice and pulled hard. A slab of rock slid off and tumbled to the ground revealing a hollow chamber carved into the rock. Upon leaning closer for further inspection Eren spotted oil-cloth wrapped packages hiding in the shadows of the alcove. The older man reached his arm inside and withdrew the parcels. Unknotting the leather straps binding the parcels, Rivaille shook out four linen shirts, lightweight trousers, and headscarves. Out from the second parcel rolled differently sized softened leather booties. The third held empty waterskins. Rivaille was skimming through the new supplies when Eren mustered the strength to speak.

"Where did this stuff come from?"

Rivaille turned to look back at the brunette and shaded his eyes with a hand, "The scouting legion has supply outposts established through most of the new world. As you might have guessed, our current gear is not suited to this arid environment. Last time we were through here we left extras in the alcove in case we ever passed by this way".

"So soldiers from the scouting legion have been in the desert before?"

"Not soldiers. Soldier." Corrected the older man and tossed shirts and pants over his shoulder in Eren's general direction.

"Who was it?" Eren stooped to scoop up his new clothes, "Who went outside the mountains and into the desert?"

Rivaille's grim smile could not be seen from Eren's viewpoint but the rough voice resounded the truth,

"It was me".

* * *

Eren, now adorned in shades of ivory admired his new clothes. He did an exploratory squat - the freedom from constricting belts and boots was exhilarating! Rivaille was still changing behind a rock formation and Eren wondered what was taking his senior so long. The grunts and strangled moans emanating from the area near the rock confused Eren even more. How long had he been waiting? Twenty minutes?

_Maybe I should check on Rivaille. .. he might be hurt! What if something happened to him! He is so puny! He might have fallen and can't get up!_

Eren's resolve was set. If Rivaille's life was on the line Eren would help! He was willing to transform to titan form if he could be of help. Gulping once, he made his way over in silent steps and peered around the rock. New pants were abandoned on the ground and Rivaille's back was turned towards Eren. The brunette's eyes widened. An arm was convulsing in a rapid jerking motion in front of Rivaille's body and the man's boxers were hanging low barely covering his ass. Honestly, Eren felt he was witnessing an act meant to be kept private...but the noises Rivaille was making! It sounded as if his Corporal was in pain! But as Eren's mind raced he determined that the best course of action would be to keep hidden while making observations. With more data he could determine if Rivaille was in trouble, and stay unnoticed in case...he was "interrupting" something. Only the light brush of fabric against fabric could be heard as the green eyed boy sunk into a crouch, still concealed by the edge of the rock formation. The cries escaping from Rivaille's mouth grew in intensity and Eren deduced that this was complete opposite of the perfect time to approach the man. Head thrown back, back heaving, one hand pressed against the rock side for stability Rivaille suppressed a moan and winced at the sound of liquid against windswept rock. At the noise Eren pressed further into the rock and shuddered. It looked like Rivaille was possessed! As the older man's breathing slowed Eren started to creep backwards, still in a crouch, his eyes never leaving Rivaille. The heel of his new bootie struck a loose pebble that spun and clattered against the stone slab Eren was perched upon. He froze in place.

_FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK_

Eren repeated in his head and prayed Rivaille hadn't heard. If there was a god, Eren prayed to it now. The icy tingle of fear spread down his spine as Rivaille turned and spun with hell in his eyes and a knife gripped white-knuckled in his hand. Sometime during the turn Rivaille had managed to pull up his boxers and Eren was sure that Rivaille actually had pulled the knife out of his actual ass. Eren shut his eyes and tried to make himself as small as humanly possible. He was concealed by the shadows at the base of the rock. Rivaille would not see him. Muffled footsteps came closer to Eren's hidey hole and despite the heat of noontime a cold sweat broke out on Eren's back.

_Fuck._

* * *

**~Just Minutes Earlier~**

Rivaille had been changing into desert garb when a large *COUGH* issue came to his attention. After a quick peek around the rock Rivaille confirmed that Eren seemed content blowing air into the empty waterskins to inflate them like balloons. The younger boy was thoroughly preoccupied with his childish games and Rivaille thought he had earned some time alone. Since they had set out who knows how many days earlier Eren had been attached to Rivaille at the hip like a parasitic leech. The brat couldn't even do his own laundry, or sleep alone, or cook, or be trusted to carry out his training exercises without supervision. What was the brat - five years old? Hell, Rivaille was an adult and just like any other he had business that needed to be taken care of more often than once a month. Captain Irvin had always said that he had nice hands, long slender fingers with clean short-cut nails. Judging from the white hot euphoria that was spreading through his veins, Irvin had been right. The knots in his neck and shoulders unwound and time seemed to slow as he rocked to the steady rhythm of his palm. The sun touching bare patches of flesh ignited a fire along his skin and only increased the sensation - that along with the risk of being discovered by Eren who was just around the corner!

_Fuck._

He tried to push the brat out of his thoughts but those deep green eyes were burnt into his mind's eye. They were a shade of absinthe like the water that collects in pools at the bases of waterfalls. The more he tried to rid Eren from his thoughts the more of Eren appeared. Next it was the cute ski-slope of Eren's nose, and his cheeks that no longer had traces of baby fat, tinged red. And the soft hair that couldn't quite be called a shade of brown because of the way it lit up and sparkled in direct sunlight.

_Fuck._

_This is wrong._

_Fuck._

As more of fantasy Eren materialized in his mind, the less blood remained in his head as it all rushed elsewhere. Now he could see Eren's toned and tanned chest and stomach that was sinewy from years of harsh training. His self control could not repress a moan that escaped his lips and he bit his own hand hoping that his charge had not heard any of that. Adrenaline spilled into his veins at the slight hint of danger that gave his actions an exotic flavor.

Pressure built inside his whole being, warmth boiled in his belly, and the moment culminated in a blast of white. His head was thrown back, lips slightly parted, shoulders heaving with shaky breaths. He didn't even hear the splatter upon the rocks because his head was filled with white. It was like a snowy carnation bloomed within his mind. Damp bangs fell into his eyes as he came down from his high. He had never had a time that good...well not since _him_.

His reverie was broken by the clatter of stone on stone. Rivaille died a little inside as he spun and scanned the area for an intruder.

The scene looked clear.

Mind racing, Rivaille internally punched himself for his stupidness.

_Eren._

The younger boy almost would have gotten away with it, if not for the toe of a bootie that was poking out from around the base of the rock.

_That PERV!_ Rivaille screamed inside his head as he stalked over to the younger boy's hiding spot, _Who knows how long he has been peeping! UGH. THAT BRAT! He is going to wish he'd never been born! FUCKING WANKER!_

* * *

The silent moment of comforting anonymity Eren had been clutching onto was shattered by a boot in his face.

"JEAGER!" Rivaille screeched as he dug the flat of his boot into Eren's cheek, "YOU PERV!"

"I didn't see anything!" Whimpered Eren as he tried to push the leg out of his personal bubble.

"How long have you been standing here? The whole time?! Ever heard of personal space, you IDIOT!"

"I swear, I didn't mean to!" Eren blushed and looked away, "I heard some loud sounds so I thought that you had gotten hurt! You are so small, after all, something could come and eat you right up!"

Rivaille tensed.

"The only thing you are gonna be eating, Jeager, is my boot!"

Eren was starting to get irate. He had just been trying to look out for his partner, yet Rivaille was chewing him out for being a good person! He didn't deserve this mistreatment! As the anger bubbled up from deep inside him his tongue grew loose.

"Well fuck me from behind mister I'm-so-high-and-mighty-Corporal, cause I'm not taking more of this shit!" An extra strong shove sent Rivaille sprawling over on his butt. Eren struggled to his feet and towered over Rivaille's prone form. He placed a foot on the older man's chest pinning him in place. Rivaille glared.

"Like I'd ever want to shove my cock in your slutty asshole, Jeager!" Rivaille snarled icily,

"Though I bet you let little blondie do it to you all the time! What was his name again? Arvin? Arlin? Oh! Armin!"

A sadistic smile spread across Rivaille's face, "I bet he'd love to have me pounding into his virgin hole. Or that serious one. Mikasa! At least she's actually killed a titan! Can't you see her writhing beneath me, legs splayed, hands tangled in my hair as she moans for more?"

Eren couldn't take more slander. His sight bled red and with a flash of light and smoke he shifted into titan form. Rivaille had managed to use that split second to roll out of the way of Eren's bone crushing stomps and scale the side of the north-facing rock wall with a cat-like grace.

His heartbeat was crashing in his chest. That had been a close call. Eren was still pounding away at the spot in which he had just been with his mammoth foot. Thankfully Eren/titan had not yet noticed Rivaille in his new hiding spot.

Perhaps he had provoked the boy too much - mentioning his friends in a negative light. But he himself had every reason to be angered! That breach of privacy was unforgettable! A blood curdling roar bounced against the walls of the cliff and Rivaille sighed as he watched titan Eren launch himself from the cliff before running out into the open desert.

_What an idiot._ Rivaille mused grimly, _He didn't listen to a thing I said about 'no titans in the desert, titans die in the desert' did he? Look at him run with those stocky titan legs. Fifty bucks he isn't even in control of that hunk of flesh right now. He is gonna go and get himself killed!_

_See what I care!_

* * *

After several minutes the Corporal climbed back down to where their packs and extra clothes lay abandoned. He leaned his sore back against one of the packs and put a shirt over his face. Eren had shoved him pretty hard. If he weren't so proud he would have almost said that it hurt. He took the time to relax his tired bones.

The kid would come back, he knew it. Eren always did. When Eren had stalked off red faced and angry during his mountain training he always came back lured by the scent of cooking meat or his feelings of guilt. They never really talked during those times because he understood that Eren was sorry and didn't want to patronize the boy more. But their silence was companionable and by the next morning everything was back to the normal routine. But Eren had never previously shifted into titan form during a fit of anger when on the mountain. If Rivaille hadn't gotten out of the way just in time...he would have most definitely been a Rivaille pancake by now.

Great.

Rivaille rubbed his temples in an attempt to rid himself of the headache that was spreading like wildfire across his skull. Dealing with the kid was too much. He would take a short nap, and Eren would come back, and then they would continue on their way like nothing had happened.

His eyes fluttered shut and he fell into a restless sleep dominated by unsettling titan dreams.

It was all Eren's fault.

* * *

Azure eyes snapped open. The day had long since faded into night and the cliff above the desert was silent but for the whispering sands below. Rivaille rubbed his eyes and looked around thinking to see Eren oogling him like normal, or messing with the key pendant that hung on a string around his neck. No one was there. He was alone but for the orange moon that hung low in the sky mocking him with a cynical smile. Climbing to his feet Rivaille expected to see Eren running up the path towards him with that big goofy smile on his face whilst apologizing for the taunts and the insults, arms outstretched, carefree. The path was empty. The heat of the day had dissipated into the land. Rivaille shivered, unsure if it was from his solitude or the chill of a desert night.

A sliver of unease cut its way through his steadfast psyche and he settled back down against the bags, his eyes scanning the horizon. The military had not done enough tests to know exactly how long Eren could maintain his titan form, nor did they know they physical and psychological toll such a transformation took on Eren's body. The kid surely wasn't stupid enough to be unable to find his way back. The mountains behind him were landmark enough in themselves.

Either way, he would not be getting any more sleep in the next hour, or perhaps the entire night.

The silence crawled under his skin like ants and stole away with the little warmth he had. Melancholy thoughts and memories clouded his mind like the tangled webs woven by the Darwin's bark spider; little moments caught on the sticky threads unable to be left in the past where they remained. Faces and names flashed through his vision in such quantities that he could not remember when he had last seen them alive and well. Inside, he promised to get in touch once he returned from this hellish adventure. He was looking forwards to a nice talk over a glass of brandy - only to remember that most of those people were dead.

How many people had Rivaille lost? It was more than he could count on both hands. In his quest to eradicate the titans and make a victory for the human race, how many were sacrificed? Friends, colleagues, fellow soldiers, or just people he always used to pass on the street?

**~Flashback Begins (I would suggest playing Chopin's "Ballade No. 1 Op. 23" while reading this section. Just do it.)~**

Thinking back, he remembered a kind girl of about twenty two or twenty three with auburn hair and eyes paler than the sky, who would always be waiting to give him a bouquet of red poppies every time he returned from a scouting mission. He would accept them with a smile and quiet word of thanks, and she would smile and throw a small curtsy in return before running off into the crowds, her skirts swirling behind her like she sailed upon ocean waves of tulle and beaded chiffon. She had been beautiful, yes, in an unearthly way. Though her demeanor had been proper and controlled, Rivaille had always sensed a wild aura from the girl, something raw and powerful like the lava flows that moved deep beneath the earth.

Then after one mission when they returned, she was gone. He questioned her whereabouts but received no straight answer. Her memory had itched - it was beneath his skin and he swore to hunt until he found the truth.

Wandering the town later that night he found a patch of red poppies growing along a meadow close to the wall maria. They were in little clumps here and there and Rivaille had laughed at the thought of them forming a path similar to that in Hansel and Gretel, except using flowers instead of breadcrumbs. His excitement had grown as he grew closer to the end of the trail leading right up to the harsh stone of the stoic wall. But Rivaille's ear's picked up a faint call of greeting that was snatched away by the wind and he remembered looking up to see a figure clad in swirling skirts perched atop the high wall. Cut poppies drifted down towards his open face, dropped from an elegant pale hand. Their petals glowed red in the starlight and Rivaille had never seen a scene so beautiful before in his life. He was overcome with the urge to meet her, hold her, have long conversations while wandering gardens and fields with her hand in hand. A smile spread across his face and he had used his 3D gear to rappel to the top of the wall to meet her. They were strangers, but Rivaille felt like he could spend the rest of his life with her.

The wind tossed and played with the dark glossy strands of his hair as he soared through the air up and up, the sky stretched out limitless above him. With two soft taps his feet landed upon the top of the wall maria and his breath was stolen from his lungs by the sight before him. She was poised before him in a white silk dress that shimmered pale blue in the moonlight, matching the captivating color of her eyes. Her hair was loose and fell over her shoulders and down her back in flaming waves of color, such a magical rouge. His eyes were drawn to the way the dress hugged her curves and the small bouquet of poppies she held in both hands. He was awestruck by the creature before him afraid that a single touch or kiss would splinter the image before him like light reflected off a broken mirror.

"I knew you would come." She spoke softly in a lilting voice that was more like a song falling like water from her lips than speech, "I always hoped you would". But his breath was stolen from him in the presence of her beauty and the mystery of her smile.

"Come here Rivaille" she continued in that lilting voice, "I want to see you~".

It was then that he realized that something was wrong. The white poppies in her hands were dripping red. As he walked forwards, she dropped the flowers to the ground the petals falling down in an un-stoppable spiral. The white of her chest that had been hidden by her hands was stained with more red; same as the red that dripped off the flowers, same as the red that connected every human being with one another. It was the same red that flowed through his own veins. The silver hilt of a knife was still embedded between her two round breasts and silent tears pricked at the corners of his eyes to roll down his cheeks. It was the first time since he had sworn never to cry again like a helpless babe that he had cried.

But she came forward with hands outstretched somehow pure and unmarred by the chaos of red on her chest and she took his face into her hands. She ran her fingertips over his features feeling the strong angle of his jaw, the slope of his nose, the plains of his cheeks and paused on the rivers of salt she felt there. Her touch drifted downwards to his lips, unusually soft for a male. As he stared into her unfocused eyes it was then that he realized she was blind. As she leaned forwards into his embrace, her lips lingered by his ear,

"You are even more lovely than I imagined" She cooed to him, "Tell me, what color are your eyes?"

"Blue like the sky on the night of a full moon" he said back - his voice hoarse. She leaned into his touch and the strong pillar of his chest burrowing her head against the nape of his neck.

"I've always imagined blue to be a lovely color," her hands tangled in his hair, "but I've always loved the idea of red".

Rivaille held down the cries of anguish that threatened to escape his lungs. She stroked his hair with her hand,

"I've waited so, so long for this" she said in a quiet voice that sent shivers up his spine. "You smell like the meadow on a clear day, and you are steadfast like the oak that grows on the far side of the forest. I feel like I've known you forever, and yet we've only really met today"

"This feels like a dream" Rivaille murmured back and buried his face in her hair. She was like fire and ice, her hair and her eyes, and though she set him on fire he was teased by her cool touch.

"Isn't this all a dream?" She said back with a small laugh, "reality?" She pulled him closer and wound her arms around his neck to stare him in what she thought was the direction of his eyes.

"We are born within these walls, live within these walls, die within these walls. We are like dogs in cages made to labor until we die. The rich take, the poor are used, and the people are used as livestock all because of the titans. How can a world this cruel be reality?" She let out a harsh laugh and her nails cut into the soft skin on the back of Rivaille's neck as her grip tightened.

"Life is not as bad as you think it is!" Rivaille protested and drew back to hold her at arms length, "Love happens within these walls, kindness is spread, compassion is shared, and although there is bad it is outweighed by good!"

"And you, tell that to I, who cannot see this kindness. I, who has never seen a titan, but is forced to live with the screams of the hunted echoing throughout my waking dreams." The red on the front of her dress was spreading like a blossoming flower.

"I have sworn to kill every titan and avenge my comrades." Rivaille growled, "I will make mankind victorious...but let us talk of happier things"

She stepped forwards, again cupping Rivaille's face in her hands.

"I want to taste you" she murmured and on tiptoe leaned up to capture Rivaille's lips with her own. She tasted cool and sweet like the nectar that collects in flowers just after sunrise. His mouth parted slightly and she deepened the kiss melting into his arms as their tongues danced an elegant waltz of lips and teeth and tongue. She felt like the part of him he had been missing - and in some way she filled the emptiness within himself that he had never known he had. It was long before the two stopped to breathe and Rivaille pulled away as he felt the cold metal of the hilt of the knife slide across his bare skin. His creamy white shirt now too stained red. The tears continued to roll down his face which he could not control.

"I get the odd feeling that you are going to leave me" he choked out, unable to quell the wave of emotions that washed over him. She only smiled a knowing smile as she leaned in close to his ear.

"I'll tell you a little secret" She whispered into his ear, "I think you'll do well from this"

"I'll listen" he murmured back, wanting to hold her and never let her go.

"Mankind is never free, from the moment we are born to the moment we die. We are an oppressed people and I cannot live this way. Not even love can liberate me from these chains."

She kissed him once more upon the lips, just a gentle ghost of a touch that was soft and warming. He had not noticed that they had wandered closer to the edge of the wall during their affections.

"Goodbye," she whispered in that lilting voice that had stolen Rivaille's heart ten times over,

"I love you".

She leaned backwards away from his embrace to lay on open air. Rivaille's screams tore through the night as he watched his lover plummet from the wall, already beyond his outstretched arms. She was silhouetted against the moon, her auburn hair on fire and her wide blue unseeing eyes pure as the baby-blue sky on a calm day. On her face was a serene smile and her skirts whipped around her body as she fell. Rivaille was already speeding down the outside face of the wall eyes blurred by tears when he heard and saw the sickening crunch. A three meter titan had been below the wall, its tombstone teeth bared and mouth wide open as it closed around the girl.

She was gone.

He swung back up to the top of the wall as his tortured sobs rang clear throughout the night. Gathering up the dropped poppies, he had held them close to his nose clinging onto the faint scent of her. Rivaille had been unable to save her from the titan, and worst of all, he had been unable to save her from herself.

"I'll go to the ends of the earth to find this freedom" he screamed out into the empty air, his voice raw, "I'll never stop until I find it!"

He collapsed to his knees, empty.

"I love you" Rivaille whispered and let the blood-red poppies be carried from his open palm by the night winds. It seemed like her ending had taken with it all his light.

It was almost morning before Rivaille had made his way down from the wall. As he followed the path of poppy flowers back he wondered if all poppies were coloured red by the blood that soaked into the soil of the land. He picked one and idly let it rest on his open hand. To believe she had never seen the color red - or the color of her own mesmerizing eyes...

But the dead do not come back to life. He could not save her from her tortured mind.

With a sickening convulsion Rivaille realized that he had never even learned her name.

* * *

The Corporal was stirred from his reminiscing by the howl of a lone desert fox. He lifted a hand to his cheek and was surprised to find it wet. Holding out his fingertip he watched the way the single tear reflected the surrounding land and his own face in its watery sphere.

_The dead do not come back to life,_

Rivaille thought and tilted his head back to look at the stars. He had lost too many already. With refound resolve he struggled to his feet.

He was determined not to let Eren become just another number to avenge.

After all, Eren was all he had left.

* * *

**NaNa Here!~ **_How is that for a cliff hanger! Muahahahaah Eren in the desert all alone, baaakkkaa! anyways... I am sorry for taking so long to update but all your lovely comments were egging me on and it was wonderful. What was I doing, you might ask- Getting ready for the big gig, and doing my internship, and work! And I didn't miss any trains (sorry __**eyyy**__~). Anyways, I wanted this chapter to show why Rivaille has such a stick up his ass and to show that he really is as human as the next guy AHAHAAH if you seriously didn't get what was going on up there I am guessing you are A. 12, or B. not a perv like the rest of us. Good for you. Oh. And swimming anime has taken over my life (please don't hit me)._

**Thank you to Crazypoet13, Iaminvisible, nannodayo, guest, IsyPerolla, azab, Grimmjowyaoi, Keyade, Whit3noiz Tenri, shy!guest, and Sayuki for reviewing! I LOVE YOU GUYS! **

**and welcome to you new follow/favers - leave a review and I will love you even more. **

and lastly to my little shy kittens who left me lovely reviews! You are wonderful and beautiful and I am so glad you found the courage within yourself to review *kisses you all over*

* * *

_Until next time! ~Nana_


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9.**

_mirage_

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**SUGGESTED LISTENING FOR THIS ENTIRE CHAPTER: **

**Rachmaninoff: Piano Concerto No.3 Op.30, II. Intermezzo. Adagio ** **(it is on youtube all my lovely kittens so please do listen while you read, I promise it will be worthwhile)**

* * *

It was warm in that place. And wet. Eren lifted his head and winced as he felt the tendons in the back of his neck separate from it. The mass of flesh still pulsated around him and his nose was assaulted by the scent of rotting meat. Strangely he had no recollection of how he ended up in this bacon bag. Legs and arms felt heavy as the brunette clawed his way skywards and the heat was becoming unbearable. Even in his confusion Eren's instincts kicked in telling him to find his way out, and fast.

The landscape in a 360 circle from the lump of decomposing titan was monotonous. The early morning sky bled crimson into blue and was only sliced through by the seemingly endless sands. Two gorey hands slashed through the flesh on the backside of the fallen titan's neck and the boy's body followed. Eren's legs felt like jello as he wobbled down the top of the titan to land bum first on the sand below. He coughed and felt his dry tongue scratch the back of his throat.

Water.

Green eyes scanned the horizon for a familiar landmark or the telltale shimmer of a stream.

Nothing.

The titan's corpse, his titan corpse, sissed behind him as the monstrosity was reduced to bones, and then nothing but dust that was swept away in the wind. He truly was alone. In his half slumbering state the brunette tried to pry open his memories to recall what had caused his drastic shapeshift. Titan transformations were still new to him and he occasionally shifted mindlessly. But the toll on his body had been too great and unwillingly Eren drifted off into a confused sleep.

* * *

Water. Eyelids fluttered open but everything was white. Convinced he was dreaming, Eren rolled up into a kitten-like ball. Soon Rivaille would kick him and screech for him to "WAKE THE HELL UP BRAT" and he wanted to savor every last second of sleep he could get. He pinched his mouth at the thought of Rivaille's "morning face" in disgust. His lower lip split, the skin blistered and flaking. The sticky trail of blood had Eren sitting up in under a second as an inquisitive hand brushed at the blood that was now dribbling down his chin. He looked up. Rivaille didn't stand before him glowering. There was no kick in his side, no cynical remark about his morning breath, no Rivaille-esque freshly prepared breakfast waiting for him.

Rivaille.

The memories of the afternoon prior came back to him in waves and the green eyed boy winced in memory of their heated exchange. It took all self control Eren had to suppress the anger that bubbled up deep from within. Rivaille was without a doubt a titan slaying asshole. No more words needed to be said. But the blood reminded Eren that he was in the desert without food and water and very much on his own. What did he care! He could do just fine without Rivaille's help! The Corporal could just wait and see! Hopping to his feet, Eren took off in the direction he presumed to be south. Just as the whiteness of his clothes contrasted with the cadmium glare of the sand Eren was thankful for his new outfit. Already his back was slick with sweat and the loose light garments provided at least a little relief.

His mind however was filled with wonder. This great expanse of sand was something he and Armin had dreamed of. It was almost straight out of those forbidden books the two had treasured - like a scene from a fairy tale that existed in the old world. Except that this journey would have been much more fun if Armin was with him. In a landscape this vast Eren wondered if the rest of the world was just as huge. What about the mountains that pierced the clouds, or the bodies of water so wide that they took months to cross on ships? Were those stories true as well? Humanity had been confined within the walls for so many generations that memories of the outside world had long since died with their keepers. But now Eren was experiencing this foreign world firsthand - it was like a miracle.

The thirst. Counting on his fingers Eren judged that it must have been more than fourteen hours since he had last drunk. Removing his waist sash he circled it around his head like a turban and shielded his eyes in search of water. He saw it! The wavering sparkle of an obvious pool or body of water was evident! It was still a good ways away but his legs picked up speed and he broke into a run towards the delicious water. As his feet carved a path along the top of a dune Eren's heart soared. The pool looked so close he could almost taste it! After many minutes his feet slowed to a leisurely jog. He was positive he had been running for at least fifteen minutes yet the water was still as far away as ever.

"My mind must be playing tricks on me" Eren mused out loud in a voice dry and gravelly. The water was definitely right there! He could see it move and flow!

The green eyed boy was becoming light headed but he continued to trudge on beneath the relentless sun. His vision was wavering and the outline of the horizon was hazy. No matter how many times he rubbed his eyes it didn't clear.

"Eren!" a familiar voice called out. The green-eyed boy looked up and tried to shield the peeling skin on his nose with a hand. He couldn't see who was calling to him but they sounded familiar.

"Who is it?" Eren croaked back, horrified by the crabby quality of his voice.

"It's me Eren!" The voice said back, "I've missed you so much!"

Eren spun around to pinpoint the origin of the sound but found no one.

"Where are you?" He called back, "I can't see you!"

"Don't be silly Eren...I'm right here!"

A form materialized before him not a single detail out of place.

"Mikasa?" Eren asked hesitantly, "Mikasa! You're really here!" He almost ran forwards to hug her but restrained himself. He didn't want to seem like a lost puppy.

"Yes. I am really here. I came just to see you, Eren" The figure waltzed closer and Eren stared at the girl in front of him. His vision was still whirling but Mikasa was here!

"It is you!" Eren cried out, "How have you been Mikasa! I've been stuck with the asshole Corporal! You can't believe the things he has said! It is vulgar!"

"Ahaha not anything less than I'd expect" the girl chuckled, "But save that for another time, I have someone I'd like you to meet!"

From behind Mikasa's back walked out another familiar face. She was the same as the last time he'd seen her, from her glossy black mane down to the linen dress she always wore. She smiled.

"MOMMA!" Eren screamed and fell forwards, "Mom mom mom! I've missed you more than you'll ever know!" he gushed, "I'm a soldier now, did you know? It has been difficult but worth every second!"

His mother smiled and let out a cute chuckle, "I always knew you would go on to do great things, Eren" she smiled back. "You look weary dear son. Let us go back so we might have a bit to eat and drink". She waved in the direction behind her and Eren eagerly followed! He felt hungry enough to eat a plate of bacon the size of Rivaille!

"The bluebells are beautiful this time of year" his mother cooed and Eren looked around. He didn't remember there being any bluebells but there they were! He gave himself a shark knock on the forehead. Still his eyes were unable to focus. A house materialized in front of Eren and he followed his mother and Mikasa inside. It looked very much like his childhood home and he relaxed into the familiarity of the space.

"You must be tired from your journey" Mikasa said in a low voice that was too sultry to be Mikasa, but he thought nothing of it. From a cabinet above the sink his mother withdrew a chalice and prepared a plate of grapes and cheese. Filling a pitcher with wine, she poured Eren's cup and set it down on the table before him.

"Indulge a little, my child" his mother commented and sat back to watch as Eren stuffed his face with the food.

"Tell me about your trip." Mikasa said and flashed him a very un-Mikasa smile, "I want to hear all about it and we have all the time in the world". Both women were leaning in towards him with sparkling eyes and open smiles and the words just tumbled out of him.

"Well I am supposed to be doing special training with Rivaille, but he is an ass and makes me carry laundry and run extra laps all the time! And then I get confused because sometimes he is nice and lets me eat extra squirrel bacon, but then the next moment he is back to being a stuck up old sourpuss!"

The two females nodded in sympathy.

Eren threw up his hands, "And then sometimes I get these odd thoughts about the Corporal and I don't know why! A few weeks ago I caught myself thinking he was cute! I mean, I know he is a bit of a midget but the scowl on his face is anything but cute!" Eren took a swig of wine before continuing, "And then there have been these weird incidents! Like one morning I woke up with two blankets instead of one! And I swear on my grandmother's grave that that man is trying to provoke me! Like he walks around shirtless all the time and expects me not to look! Then he's like 'Eren, Like what you see?' in that deep teasing voice and I don't know what he is doing to my head! I can't get him out!"

Eren scratched at his skull in frustration. Rivaille had gotten under his skin and he didn't like it one bit. His mother swooped over and poured more wine into his cup. It was probably going to his head.

"And then a few nights ago, he sang to me! Like a lullaby! And sure, I kinda blackmailed him into it but his voice was unlike any other I've ever heard. I just wanted to hear more and more of it, I wanted to keep it in my ears forever if I could!" Eren buried his face into his hands to hide his blush. This was embarrassing.

His voice grew harsher with the memory of yesterday's spat, "But then yesterday he said some horrible things to me and I don't think I can forgive him."

"Forgiveness is something that you give because you deserve peace of mind, even if the other person was wrong" his mother spoke wisely, "I'm sure that your rift and misunderstanding runs deeper than you think". Mikasa nodded before a devilish glint caught in her eye.

"You could always chop his balls off when he is sleeping" She drawled and sat back with a satisfied smirk.

"It is no matter right now because I don't want to see him while I can spend time with you" Eren cut back and reclined in his seat. It felt good to rest his aching feet.

The sun coming in through the open windows felt good on his face. He just sat there absorbing the warmth and listened to the sounds of his mother going about the room doing little chores while Mikasa sewed. Gradually the patch of sun on his shoulder grew warmer until it was unbearably hot. Eren writhed and scooted his chair into the shade but the heat persisted. Now he could feel the driblets of sweat running down his chest and he reached for his chalice to take a deep swig and cool off.

The moment the substance touched his lips he choked and sat up alarmed. His mouth was full of sand. Through his bleary eyes Eren could tell that he was not inside his childhood home, nor was he with his mother and Mikasa.

"MOMMA!" Eren choked out and tried to spit out the sand. All the moisture was gone from his cavern and his tongue felt fuzzy and thick. He was face down spread eagle on a dune somewhere in the same expanse of sand. The confusion was overwhelming. He swore that Mikasa had been right there! They had talked! His family had been so close! Tears pricked at the back of Eren's eyes but none came. He had no water left. His mind really was playing tricks on him and now he was too tired and too thirsty and too alone to do anything but lay there.

"I might die here" Eren choked out and he buried his face in his arms.

No one knew he was missing. No one would come to look for him.

Eren had been seduced by the charms desert mirage.

And he had paid the price.

* * *

_nana Here~: I was so heartbroken and sad after the last chapter that I had to post the next one especially when some of you sent me PM's that the endpart of chapter 8 made you cry. I love you all very much and give you big virtual hugs and kisses to make you feel better! Today I had off from work and so I spent most of it reading Kuroshitsuji fics and crying. And watching Swimming anime and crying at the beautiful boys. And then just cried. I guess a girl is allowed to have her alone time, ay? _

_Anyways, Eren is such a bimbo and if you guys read this without the song playing in the background I will cry more because it is so perfect and moving and cinematic and will touch your soul...and it sounds kind of desert-y to me._

BE SURE TO REVIEEEEEWWWWWW PLEEASSSEEE I BEG OF THEEE

Lastly, I will thank all of you lovely reviewers and fav/followers in the next chapter since technically this one was not supposed to happen until next week! Your reviews keep me motivated and make my day and get me to smile in this dreary non-stop rain. I appreciate you guys!

Êtes-vous français? Je suis désolé mais je ne parle pas bien le français... J'adore tes petits messages :)

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Until next time: Eren in the desert all alone. Rivaille blinded by his pride. What will happen next?

~nana


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10.**

_And I'll hold you like I do love you_

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**SUGGESTED LISTENING part 1:** Chopin's _"Prelude in b minor op. 28 no. 6"_.

**SUGGESTED LISTENING part 2:** _"Liebesträum No.3 in A flat major S.541-3" _

(They are on youtube, just pull them up and read and listen..it makes everything so much more dramatic!)

* * *

Guilt seeps through one's subconsciousness like a virus.

It takes hold and spreads through the mind's labyrinth, searing and inescapable.

"If only-" thoughts flitted through Rivaille's mind. He walked with an unbearable weight on his back, the memories of the lethal mistakes he had made as well as the physical weight. As Eren was gone he had to shoulder both packs, the two sets of 3D gear, the washing tub, and flasks of water. Their old clothes were tucked away in the alcove and left behind. With every step Rivaille took, his feet sunk at least four inches into the sand. Walking this way was a chore but he felt he deserved it. In an odd way he found solace in punishment.

It had been just before dawn when he set off. Because of the heat of the daytime hours most of his trek would have to be at night. But the urgency in his chest spurred him on to walk now, and after all, he did not know how much longer Eren could survive collapsed somewhere. The night before his worries had grown when Eren failed to return after running off in titan form. In his hurry to leave Rivaille forgot to wear his head scarf. He could already feel his skin burning but he refused to loose time re-wrapping it.

"That idiot" Rivaille muttered under his breath as his foot got stuck, buried, for the hundredth time that day. Thankfully, tracking Eren had not been as difficult as Rivaille had originally thought. The boy in his titan form had left huge crater-like divots in the sand. However surely enough they were gradually being filled in by drifting sands.

But still he walked.

* * *

When the sun was at the highest point of it's arc in the sky Rivaille stopped. Continuing on would be suicide; already he was feeling the effects of the heat. His stomach was woozy and his throat felt parched. Clutching his stomach with his hands the Corporal fell to his knees and dry heaved but nothing was there to come out. Somehow he managed to drag the packs together and build a makeshift fort with his old blanket as a cover. The patched together shelter did its job but Rivaille couldn't help but feel that he was wasting time, every second prickled his skin and he could find no relief. Just the thought of Eren being out there scared, alone, maybe dead twisted his insides and he unwillingly fell into a confused and restless sleep.

Panic attacked Rivaille when he woke. Sometime while he had been sleeping green puss had leaked from his eyes and thoroughly sealed his eyelids together. He cursed and bumbled around for a water canteen and a rag blindly. Using the wet rag he dabbed at his eyes carefully until the dried cucka was gone. His guess had been correct. It was night. Learning from his earlier mistake, Rivaille wore his headscarf this time so that only his eyes peeked out from beneath the linen layers. It was vital that he kept a level head.

One more mistake could be the end. And it would be his own fault.

* * *

**SUGGESTED LISTENING**(for this last part): "Liebesträum No.3 in A flat major S.541-3"

* * *

Soon enough another twelve hours passed. The moon was bright and lit a path across the desert, but as Rivaille navigated by its unearthly glow his worst worries were coming true. The trail was running cold. Sand had filled in Eren's footprints and Rivaille had no way of finding the kid. This was elementary, losing Eren over a petty argument and harsh words. While some people might have said that the desert-scape at that moment was beautiful with the rolling sand dunes and the bright sky above, to Rivaille it was the ugliest view in the world. Letting out a manic laugh Rivaille sunk to a crouch and let go of the control that was holding back a tidal wave. The drops of saltwater rolled down his face and onto the ground. God, it hurt. The emotional numbness mixed with physical pain escaped through his eyes as his body tried to turn itself inside out.

"I'm sorry" he whispered to the empty night, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'M FUCKING SORRY!" Fingers tightened around the strands of his hair until he nearly ripped the inky hairs out with his own hands. He needed a clue, anything. His mind couldn't think. Fingernails dug into his skull until they pierced skin and drew blood. His mind raced back to the time just after they had first gotten to the mountain when he had witnessed Eren's night terrors and given the kid his blanket and physical comfort. _Why had I done that? _Rivaille puzzled, _Why did I give him my extra squirrel bacon? Why was I so happy when he smiled or ran around like a child? Why did I enjoy teasing him so? _Rivaille let out a muted sob. He was tired, and beat down, and his emotions were running wild, because surely, it couldn't be _that_._  
_

_Just give me a sign,_

Rivaille chanted inside his head,

_let me know that he is alright...let me know that he is alive. If there is a god out there who sentenced us to live and die by the titans on this cursed earth, show us mercy. Eren is someone...who has...become precious to me. But honestly I don't know what to do. I promised him that he would never be alone and I broke that promise. If anyone deserves to be punished, it is me._

Staring up at the moon Rivaille was reminded of the last time he had lost someone important to him before the same glowing face. It was like a cruel replay off the one he lost before, and now Eren too. He shut his eyes and laid his head on his arms folded atop his knees. Deep breaths. He had to believe in Eren and the kid's strength. A cool breeze floated around him and tossed his hair lightly. That wind felt oddly familiar like he had been witness to its embrace before.

_"Stand up, soldier"_ the wind whispered, _"Raise your head. What is lost can be found"._ Rivaille jerked to his feet, spine straight and head held high. He opened his eyes like he was opening them for the first time. Somehow the dunes seemed more poetic upon second glance. His eyes skimmed along the sand as dragonflies do across water. Then widened. Just steps away was a patch of white that reflected the milky light from above. It stood out against the shadows of the dunes like a speck of purity does among sin. He stumbled closer to take a better look.

"This is impossible" Rivaille murmured to himself. His mind refused to accept what he saw as fact. There, growing straight from the sands was a clump of opal white poppies. A finger drifted down to caress a petal. It was real. "But poppies can't grow in the desert" Rivaille said to himself, dazed. He jumped backwards when his eyes touched the ground around the white flowers. The sand was stained red.

"I feel like this has happened before" Rivaille huffed and stood back up. Clearly enough he could see another patch of white standing out just thirty meters away. Running as fast as he could with the packs and everything else he stopped and examined this new find. It was another poppy plant, just as white as the last. The Corporal's feet felt lighter as if he was floating. Heck, he could be hallucinating for all he knew. Following the trail of poppies Rivaille felt the anxiety bubble up inside him. This scene was all too familiar. White flowers soaked in red. A trail of flowers. The teasing wind. It was just like when he had lost_ her._ With a cry Rivaille took off at top speed. The clumps of flowers were becoming larger and larger and the petals on each upcoming clump of flowers were stained with more and more red. Rivaille's body froze at the last plant. The dainty petals of this particular plant were blazing crimson almost as if the flowers marked the end of the trail, or the end of a life. Dropping the packs Rivaille spun around. There was nothing but sand, and more sand, and the sky, and the leering moon that saw everything but refused to tell its secrets. A sickness grew in his chest and he turned back to face the poppy plant. Walking closer, he noticed that the edges of the petals were turning black with rot, already beginning to wither away into ash.

"No!" The Corporal seized up as he wrapped his fingers around the base of the flower and pulled with all his strength. Sand streamed away from the plant as the roots became exposed one by one. Changing tactics he scratched away at the root fibers with his bare hands to scoop away handfuls of sand. At some point he had started crying again, and although his fingernails were ripped and bloody he continued to dig, his own blood mixing with the sand.

Fingers grazed fabric.

As if the gods at that moment bestowed some inhuman strength within Rivaille's tiny frame he ripped the plant away and uncovered-

"Eren".

The boy's eyes were shut and his face had the gentle smile of a babe that had been rocked to sleep against the safety of it's mother's chest. It seemed that the poppy plant had encircled Eren's body protectively and had sheltered Eren's face from sand and wind. Reaching down Rivaille buried one arm around Eren's back and the other cupped the boy's neck as he withdrew his companion from the earth into his own embrace. The dark haired boy buried his face into Eren's neck and breathed in deeply. Eren's familiar scent flooded his mind and Rivaille's senses bloomed. Between the thin linen shirt Rivaille could faintly feel Eren's heartbeat. The boy was alive.

"I'll never abandon you again" Rivaille mumbled against Eren's chest as a hand lightly ran through the brunette's hair, "I'm so so sorry...I broke my promise. But I need you. I need you more than you'll ever know".

Relinquishing his hold on the kid, Rivaille laid down Eren so he was resting on his back and crawled over to the packs. Eren's body did not seem to be in too bad shape but for his sunburn and extreme dehydration - it had to be pretty extreme for Eren's body to be unable to regenerate or heal itself. Again at Eren's side, he tilted the boy up with one arm and held the water canteen to Eren's lips. The water dribbled down Eren's chin and collected in his mouth but the boy didn't swallow. Rivaille cursed. The kid was in too bad shape to drink on his own. Rivaille took a swig of water into his own cheeks and lowered his mouth to Eren's parted lips. Using the arm holding up the kid, the same hand pinched the brunette's nose as their lips connected. With much control Rivaille let a few tablespoons at a time pass from his mouth to Eren's. Although weakly, the boy instinctively swallowed even in his unconsciousness. Eren's lips were cool and sweet against Rivaille's own chapped ones. Judging that Eren had swallowed enough water for now he recapped the canteen and set about applying salve and bandages to Eren's wounds. Screaming red and raw, the brunette unconsciously flinched and whimpered every time Rivaille cleaned and tended to a new wound. The kid felt so light in his arms like a paper bag.

"I know it hurts" the Corporal said soothingly, "But I promise it will get better. And I'm sorry. It is all my fault that you had go through this".

Back on his feet Rivaille restrapped his packs and picked Eren up bridal style. Something had been bugging him in the back of his mind about the trail of poppies. Even if the plants had grown out of Eren/titan's bloody footsteps the flowers would have needed more than just blood to survive longer than a day.

"I might be wrong, but I think there is water around here somewhere..." Rivaille mused. He lifted his nose to the wind and sniffed. Without a doubt he picked up the cool scent of water. Eyes halfway shut, he followed the scent trail up the side of one giant dune. Alone, the single dune was over a hundred feet high and Rivaille grit his teeth as he fought his way to the top. His forehead was coated with a layer of salt and dried sweat and Eren was like an unshapely potato bag in his arms, but either way his breath was taken away. The surface reflected the night sky in a wavy mirror and Rivaille could help but let out a whoop as his heart swelled at the land below. It was water. They might be beat up, and tired, and fighting, and one of them *cough EREN* might be half dead and the biggest idiot on the face of the planet, but somehow they would be all right, Rivaille was sure of it. Water was life. In a fit of happiness Rivaille leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to Eren's forehead. The dark haired man's bangs fell in front of his eyes and he let his lips linger, soaking in the night and the comfort of the beautiful boy he now held in his arms. His lips tingled as he drew away...it felt different, but nice.

"You can run all you want, Eren, but I will find you. You can tell me you hate me, but I will never hate you. I am never letting you go. I won't make the same mistake twice"

Eren was pressed closer to Rivaille's chest and their heartbeats settled to the same lazy rhythm.

High overhead the moon smiled.

* * *

_nana here!~: I was half asleep and dead when I wrote this on the train so pleeeaaseee let me know if you see any major spelling or typo errors etc! Anyways, the wait is over! All your lovely reviews made me wiggle with joy but I lost track of who's reviews I replied to and now I am confused, so big big big thanks to everyone who wrote something! _

_This was a really hard chapter to write. I knew what I wanted to have happen but I didn't know how to go about writing it. Anyways, Rivaille is hopefully very very sorry and Eren is almost almost dead but I didn't feel like I could draw out Rivaille searching for Eren in another chapter. It would have been too painful. Even though Rivaille got all emotional when looking for Eren, he seems a bit too dense to notice exactly what emotion he feels toward Eren right away. If he had emotional intelligence he would already be kissing up Eren every day and ************************ and telling Eren that he loves him. Silly boys. _

**To all you lovely reviewers I will try to get back to you/thank you tomorrow! And welcome all you new follow favers! Thank you to meh, midnightfairy200, Kimchimichi, Cyanical, Krylancelo, kalaANDsafa, azab, Guest, LePetitGateau, IsyPerolla, HomodachisInc, alexism9, and sauri555! **

_If you review I will make all of you kittens a yummy update that will be posted sunday muahahah_

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Eren has not yet awakened. Will Rivaille recognise his own emotions? Will Eren forgive Rivaille? The desert is an unforgiving place.

Until next time! ~ nana


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11.**

_Raspberries and Clementines_

* * *

Footsteps treaded lightly as Rivaille descended the dune's face. The sand around the body of water was mixed with soil. He was amused to find miniature flora growing there. The pool was no more than an acre vast, but as Rivaille circumnavigated it he noticed that on the opposite side bloomed a copse of ragged trees. Their branches wove together high above Rivaille's head to form a leafy canopy and Rivaille thought the space a perfect place for their shelter. Propping Eren against one of the root structures he hastily unpacked his bag, laying out one blanket as a bed and hanging the other to block the makeshift doorway. With much straining and cussing Rivaille dragged his charge into the shelter and laid him out flat. Eren was in bad shape. He pressed his own forehead against the brunette's and frowned. It seemed that Eren had the beginnings of a fever.

"Let's get you out of these clothes" Rivaille murmured as he pulled Eren to his chest and slid off the boy's dirty white tunic, "you're burning up". The shirt was saturated with sweat and on second thought Rivaille decided that the pants too had to go. The trousers were harder to remove but by straddling Eren's chest backwards he somehow managed to yank them off. He didn't comprehend their compromising position, though his subconsciousness did take note of Eren's firm thighs. Uncovered, Eren's condition seemed to be worsening. His titan powers probably played a part in the elevated body temperature. At this rate it would be a miracle if Eren survived the morning.

Although Rivaille fanned Eren with a shirt and ran soft fingers through his hair the boy's body was being consumed by the heat. Rivaille remembered his mother caring for him as a child when he had been struck down by feverish illness. She would sing, and cook him his favorite foods, and sit by his bedside until he fell asleep. When he was scared, she would be right there with calming words and soon enough he would be better. But life wasn't that simple existence anymore. He wished he could do the same to care for Eren.

As he sat by Eren's side he sang the verses of lullabies he could faintly remember and alternated between watching Eren and pacing outside worriedly. The songs took his mind off the darker thoughts but deep inside he knew that he was at fault. And when Eren awoke, the kid would hopefully find a place somewhere in his heart to forgive him.

Or not.

Then again, Rivaille recalled promises he had made that he could not always keep. He had promised that Eren was not alone, and then pushed him away. He had told Eren that he needed him, but were those just reassuring words - or something more? It would all be so much easier if they could talk it out, like adults... if Eren was still willing to talk to him after all of this.

"That kid is going to be the end of me" Rivaille mumbled as he wiped the sleep from his eyes. Peeking inside the tent he noticed that Eren had not moved an inch. There was nothing to do but wait.

* * *

**~Later that night~**

The boy was shivering now, and the night was cool, daybreak still far off in the future. Unconscious, the brunette showed no signs of waking soon. Rivaille covered his comrade with strata of blankets, but to no use, still his shivering increased. At this time the Corporal's mind was in survival mode, all emotional urges aside; Eren needed to be warmed - Rivaille had body heat. Lifting up a corner of the pile of textiles covering up his charge Rivaille slid forwards so that his chest pressed against Eren's back. He could feel Eren relax into his heat as the boy pushed closer to himself. Because of his miniature composition Rivaille was dwarfed by Eren's stature and he very much felt like a teaspoon pretending to be a ladle.

Their breathing slowed to a companionable rhythm, Rivaille breathing in as Eren exhaled. He was exhausted but too concerned to sleep. If he lost Eren again a second time because of his own luxuries he would never forgive himself. An arm drooped over the younger boy's waist and his fingers found surface tracing languid circles on Eren's torso, if only to distract his mind from the passing time. His hands wandered over the expanse of Eren's chest and he was pleased to find that the boy's musculature was developing well. It irked Rivaille to no end that Eren had to be such a giant. Sadly, his own head pressed against Eren's shoulder. In Rivaille's own perverse fantasies Eren's head would have been tucked neatly beneath Rivaille's chin. But they didn't act out. Rivaille wiggled up so that he could bury his face at the nape of Eren's neck. Alas! The spoons could not spoon like that! He wriggled back down to his original spot.

In his slumber, Eren shifted, melting into Rivaille, and Rivaille was tempted. Cautiously, his tongue escaped from between his lips and darted forwards quickly to lap at Eren's back. Rivaille froze, tongue still extended. In his sleep, Eren moaned. Another careful lick evolved into a wet kiss as lips joined tongue, lolling, skin on skin, hot on cold. Eren's body flopped over, nearly crushing Rivaille and the smaller man crawled on top of Eren's body. A sly smile bloomed across his face. Eren was cold. He knew the perfect way to warm him up.

Fingers started at the left corner of Eren's collarbone, kneading out the muscle knots, working their way east in small circles. The massaged skin blossomed baby pink making trails from where his fingers had already been. It had been long since he had been this physically close to his charge and he relished in the proximity of skin to skin. As his lips glided south down Eren's torso he mapped Eren's body with his lips and with his hands. By Eren's hip a pale scar in the shape of a half moon shon pale white and Rivaille wondered how it came to be. A knife would maybe? Or a piece of shrapnel from the battlefield? He paused and kissed the scar from straight edge to hooked end gently as if he could make that hurt disappear. The Corporal froze as Eren's eyelids fluttered - but they did not open. He relaxed. Too soon he was at the waistband of Eren's boxers. The devil on his left shoulder egged him to continue past the thin barrier of cloth, the angel on his right begging him to stop before he did something irreversible. He let his forehead drop onto Eren's stomach and squealed in fright as he felt a large thing press against his chest, hot and heavy. Still squealing he rolled off Eren's chest and crawled as far away from the kid as possible, heartbeat racing, face painted a bright red. The beast inside Eren's pants was risen to almost full height.

"Oh. That's what tried to murder me" Rivaille mused and let out a small chuckle. The kid might be a titan, but he was also human. Very human. He crawled back over to the boy "I almost lost control" he frowned and ran a hand through his hair tiredly for the umpteenth time. No good could come from molesting the kid in his comatose state.

Fifteen minutes later Eren's pants were still poofed up like a circus tent and Rivaille was gradually becoming more irate. He didn't want to get too close to the boy, but his shivering grew and he needed to be warmed, but every time Rivaille curled up next to him the snake in his pants perked up higher. He was fighting a losing battle, and Eren had a problem that gravity was not able to take care of. When Eren started whimpering his resolve broke and he curled his body back around the boy.

Outside the day was becoming lighter like a palette of watercolor paints that had spilled onto wet paper. Royal purple melded into orange and in between the warped branches of the trees Rivaille watched as the flaming ball of liquid fire rose into the sky, pulled by an invisible chariot. Throughout the morning Eren's shivers subsided under Rivaille's care and watchful eye. The Corporal let himself relax a tad now that the worst was over. Eren had survived the night.

"You did it kid." He nuzzled into Eren's hair, "You pulled through. You're a trooper". He stopped and pulled away, then sniffed again. Something smelled like the devil's asscrack. Shit. One would hope to say that Eren's hair smelled like dew drops or strawberries, but in reality it smelt like horse shit. This uncleanness would not do! Although Rivaille felt a pang of guilt as he pulled away from Eren, this smell would not do. He scrounged around for the small sandalwood box that contained his personal entourage of luxury soaps. His eyes scanned the paper labels for a scent that fitted Eren, and that would cover the heinous odor.

"Wisteria, Pine, Spiderlilly, Musk, Berry Pie, Fresh Rain..." he shook his head, the scents were too flowery and most likely to become a sweet smelling manure pile when mixed with Eren.

Rivaille's forehead wrinkled as his eyes strained to read the next label, "Sultan's gardens?". Plucking it from the box he sniffed and nodded in approval. This might just get the job done. The soap had a bite to it, cinnamon, cumin, and cloves being mixed in with the softer layers of orchid, peony, and rose. He unstrapped the ever useful washing tub and dragged it outside. After a few trips back and forth with the waterskins Rivaille had a good foot of water filling the tub. It was much harder to fit Eren inside the copper caldron. Even after much pulling and pushing an arm and a both legs hung out over the sides.

Using a cup to pour cool water over Eren's head, Rivaille massaged the scalp of the unconscious boy, the soap becoming frothy at his handiwork. Granted, Eren was a lump of a ragdoll and thus Rivaille was winded by the time he finished scrubbing Eren's back. Leaning in, he sniffed Eren's hair that was now three shades lighter. DELICIOUS! The residual perfume smelled lovely. He looked at his own face reflected in the water of the small lake. Gross. Dirt was caked along his hairline and on his eyebrows and he was not sure if he was ten shades dirtier or if he had gotten a natural tan. It couldn't hurt to take a little bath, could it? Eren was still in the tub, but it would be much easier to get in with him than to pull him out. Rivaille slipped out of his own clothes and climbed into the bath so that he was perched on Eren's lap. The soap felt lovely against his skin, layers of mud and grime being stripped away with every pass of the bubbling lather.

The water too was heavenly.

He lathered his hair until it was once again its silky black, but had to turn on his seat to reach water for rinsing. Now he was sitting in Eren's lap with his back against Eren's back, scooping water over his head, letting it rinse away the confusion and bad energy from the past few days. As he scooted back he was yet again reminded of Eren's little "problem", but chose to ignore it. Sitting in the tub with Eren was so relaxing that he decided to stay and soak a while even after he was done washing. Eren's chest made a perfect back-rest. And the whole experience would have been flawless if not for the relentless rod of flesh that kept swiping his ass. He gulped. The recon corps could never learn about this. Ever. He climbed out of the tub and quickly redressed.

While getting Eren into the tub had been a challenge, getting him out was near impossible. It mostly had to do with Rivaille's cherub-like stature and lack of inches, but he could not get the proper leverage to hoist Eren over the side. By bracing his heels in the dirt and yanking on Eren's right arm and leg simultaneously he was able to lift Eren's body several inches from the surface of the water, but no farther. Even worse, "little Eren" bobbed mockingly at his shortcomings before he had to drop Eren back down once again.

Rivaille regrouped. If brute strength could not remove comatose Eren from the tub, he would use his wit. With a sly grin Rivaille noticed that the distance from the tub to the lake's edge was a slight decline. He pushed his back against one side of the tub and curled his fingers underneath the bottom.

"One...Two" he chanted, "THREE"

The tub flipped onto its side, Eren still inside and lethargically rolled down the mini hill into the water where it tipped upside down and out came Eren. A laugh ripped out from Rivaille's chest at the comical scene - Eren was face down in the water ass floating in the air like a drunk starfish.

"Oh shit. He could drown" Rivaille said in his usual monotone, "I guess I should get him out" he waded into the shallows and hefted Eren into a piggy back. Soon enough he was back on his blanket, stark naked. Rivaille didn't have the heart to go near Eren's little monster anytime soon.

Cleaning up the area and fetching the tub went soon enough and Rivaille was beginning to wonder if Eren was going to EVER wake up, or if he was stuck with a titanic vegetable for the rest of his life. It seemed more like the latter.

* * *

Sadly, Eren's stomach crashed the pity party too soon for the Corporal's tastes.

"Heavens, the kid is hungry!" Rivaille realized and hefted Eren back into the shelter. All they had left was an endless supply of stale biscuits and a few more racks of squirrel bacon. He held up a biscuit to Eren's lips but the boy could not swallow.

Eren's stomach rumbled again. To hell with social convention, the boy needed to eat! He gulped as he came close to Eren's body. He should be getting paid overtime for this.

Tearing off a hunk of biscuit with his own mouth, Rivaille chewed the soggy mound of dough until it was roughly the consistency of porridge. Then, tipping Eren's head back to open the boy's esophagus he sealed his mouth over Eren's and passed over the food. Quickly, he sat Eren up and held the kid's mouth and nose pinched shut so that he instinctively swallowed. Opening the kid's mouth, he breathed a sigh of relief that the food went down. It was tedious work. Rivaille found that holding Eren's body up, and keeping his mouth open, and holding the biscuit was too difficult in his current position. Grudgingly he crawled back to sit on Eren's lap while "that" poked him in the bum yet again. This was humiliating. Angrily he roughly chewed another bite of biscuit and pressed his and Eren's mouths together...and choked as the food was spat back into his own mouth and he was flung hard against a tree trunk.

"WHAT THE FUCK! CORPORAL" a hoarse voice screamed and Rivaille opened his eyes to a very angry and confused Eren. Rivaille just blinked in shock and turned his head to spit the rest of the biscuit mush to the side.

"Answer me you bastard" Eren hissed as he struggled to his feet, "Why were you kissing me? I hate you!" He stalked forward to glare down at Rivaille, "I died. If this is hell, why do I have to be here with you! I died! You said you were there for me, and you broke whatever trust we had! Hell, you are the devil incarnate! I hate you!" Rivaille coughed and tried to move as far away from Eren as possible.

"Calm down you little shit!" He chided and averted his eyes from Eren's gaze, "And can you please get your fucking cock out of my face!" Rivaille's voice was laced with venom, whatever sympathy he had for the boy gone. All color drained from Eren's face as he stared down at little Eren proudly saluting at full mast. The confusion and mortification passing over Eren's face was priceless and Rivaille had to cough to try to conceal a laugh.

"Oh fuck" the kid said and scrambled backwards using his hands to try to conceal himself, "I didn't know one went to hell in their birthday suit!"

"You're not dead, Jeager!" Rivaille said in a bored tone as he threw Eren's folded pants and boxers at the kid's head, "at least not yet." Eren slipped on his pants and undergarments with celerity and turned to face Rivaille once again. In a flash Eren had ducked, grabbed something, and then sprung forwards at Rivaille. The Corporal did not even flinch as he felt the icy blade of his own knife pressed against his neck.

"Start talking Corporal." Eren hissed coldly,

"You're the devil, so losing a little blood can't hurt-"

* * *

_nana here~: I AM SO SORRY FOR BEING AWAY FOR SO LONG! kisses kisses kisses however I was kidnapped by my family and brought to a place with no cell service and no wifi! Ah! It was so rustic and cold and although I saw my extended family and all that there was no way to upload a chapter! Horrors! Anyways, here this is, on sunday, just as promised har har har. I really appreciate all the lovely reviews you guys left in the review box and the PM's, (yes I am alive, sorry eyyy, but there were no trains to miss in the mountainous wilderness, and LePetitGateau: never stop being so cute!) I guess the upside of this extended absence was plenty of time to think about where I wanted this to go. I'm not sure how many more chapters there will be, but this definitely will get switched to M within the next three chapters. Also, I will be moving to the otherside of the world in 15 days and so my updates will probably switch to bi-weekly, unless you guys shower me with reviews ;) _

QUESTION FOR EVERYONE! : HOW MUCH MORE lovey dovey BUILD DO YOU WANT BEFORE THE FIREWORKS! (lemme know please)

* * *

Eren has awakened from his slumber! Rivaille was caught in a compromising position! Little Eren was standing proudly for many hours (I'm sure it is unhealthy if it is that long, boys, if you have that same thing happen call your doctor). Will they make up? Will deluded Eren kill his Corporal? Will Rivaille stop being an asshole?

_Until next time~ _


	12. Chapter 12

Last Time On: You Aren't Alone~

_In a flash Eren had ducked, grabbed something, and then sprung forwards at Rivaille. The Corporal did not even flinch as he felt the icy blade of his own knife pressed against his neck._

_"Start talking Corporal." Eren hissed coldly,_

_"You're the devil, so losing a little blood can't hurt-"_

* * *

**Chapter 12.**

_Oasis_

* * *

Rivaille held still, his face a mask of pure indifference as a bead of red rolled down from neck to collarbone.

"Put the knife down, Jeager. Your hot head gets you into all these situations if I'm not mistaken"

After coming to, Eren had attacked his senior and now had a knife pressed to his throat. Of course Eren had no recollection of anything that had happened since passing out in the middle of the desert. His body felt sore and tired like he had slept for eons, back tight, calves arching. Oh yes, he was still pissed at Rivaille for what he did back at the cliff. And then, waking up, Rivaille was kissing him? Something was seriously fucked up with this situation. Turns out he wasn't in purgatory meaning this was real life...but why the Corporal? If anyone deserved to go to hell it was that bastard.

Rivaille tried to sneak a foot out to kick Eren's shin hoping to gain an upper hand, but Eren noticed the not so subtle move.

"Shut up asshole midget" Eren sneered as the knife pressed deeper into flesh - he savored the feeling of control. "If you haven't noticed, I'm the one in charge now. You're no better than a dog, Corporal!"

Rivaille met his eyes, cobalt to green, as he leaned into the Eren's hand and the knife at his throat. Eren paused momentarily, conflicted. Did Rivaille had a death wish? He hadn't expected his senior to try to slit his own throat.

"I fucked up" Rivaille hissed over the stinging sensation clouding his mind, then added "but we were both at fault". Eren's smirk dropped.

"What?"

"I almost let you get killed. That was unprofessional...I let my words get out of control thus endangering yourself and your training."

Eren searched Rivaille's face for a hint of sarcasm but let the knife drop back to his side.

"This has got to be a joke" Eren threw up his hands, "That's all? You're blaming it on unprofessionalism? Sorry old sport, but that's not gonna cut it!" A sharp kick to Rivaille's stomach knocked the air out of him and Rivaille rolled to his side, wheezing.

_Eren's idiocy is making it so much harder to apologise...Hell, I don't know if he deserves a "sorry" at this point! The little shit just kicked me!_

Blue flames ignited in Rivaille's eyes and a booted foot shot out, this time successfully knocking Eren off his feet and onto his back. In a flash Rivaille had kicked the knife away and towered over Eren with a very scary face. In one smooth movement the Corporal dropped to a near crouch and drove his left knee into Eren's stomach. The younger boy wheezed and coughed while bitter bile flooded his mouth. The brunette's mind was reeling little flashes of memories dancing past an internal cinema. Rivaille loomed over him and his mind flashed between Rivaille's face inside the shelter and the same face out in the open desert. When had he and Rivaille been in the desert together. How had he gotten to the desert in the first place? And where was he now?

A dainty foot slammed down against his sternum effectively pinning the boy to the floor. Rivaille laughed and ground his heel in harder.

"FUCK YOU!" Eren screamed and lashed out at Rivaille with fists and nails.

"Shut up idiot." Rivaille articulated stoically, "When you ran off, did you even think? Did you contemplate the dangers of turning into a titan in the fucking DESERT?" he crouched over Eren's prone form and yanked the kid up by his collar, "You almost died. I had to spend fucking days and nights looking for your fat ass! And when I found you! You were almost dead!"

The men were eye to eye in an unblinking battle. Eren searched Rivaille's face for a hint of a lie but saw nothing, and that was almost more disconcerting. He didn't see an obvious truth spelled out by those features either. When staring at Eren's face, Rivaille looked for a sign that Eren remembered anything from when he was unconscious...maybe a kiss, or a gentle caress - Thankfully Eren did not. The longer Eren stared at his senior the more irritated he became. He wanted answers. Fast.

"And I bet you only looked for me because you were scared to lose your fancy title for your fancy job, HUH? You wouldn't know what it is like to have your friends insulted, SINCE YOU DON'T HAVE ANY! I almost wish you'd never looked for me!" Eren muttered. There was a whoosh and a bit of dizziness as Eren rolled and grabbed Rivaille's knee so that the boy collapsed to a kneel, straddling his body. A harsh push was enough to flip the two so that he was on top pinning Rivaille to the ground at the wrists.

"Eren I-" Rivaille started to say, but was cut off.

"Oh SHUT UP!" Eren's eyes glowed menacingly, "You know what? I'm really hating your voice right about now! It always spurts out crap and unkempt promises! You sir, are the shit of the shit on this earth!" His eyes gleamed mischievously as he brought up one hand to cup Rivaille's cheek letting a thumb trace along the man's bottom lip, "You know, If that knife was still nearby I could cut out your tongue. Would you like that, Sho-rty?"

Rivaille was writhing now, trying to free himself, but the whole affair was going very wrong. He hadn't expected Eren to forgive him right away, but the kid wouldn't even hear him out. The sheer size of Eren nullified his strains to escape.

He panicked.

Jerking his upper body skywards his jaw parted as teeth clamped down on the sensitive skin of Eren's neck and dug in.

"YOU FREAK!" Eren screamed and let go of Rivaille's arm and face to try to pry the boy from his skin. The two became a blur of arms and legs as they tumbled out from the shelter and down the incline. Screams and clumps of hair came out from the mess of arms and legs, both parties bleeding and bruises already blooming on both pale and tanned skin. As they rolled sand got in noses and eyes and Eren clamped his eyes shut as the burning prickly sensation of sand in his eye socket itched like an invasive parasite. Rivaille, seeing the opening clocked Eren on the jaw. The kid howled, pain radiating through his face in waves.

_You've asked for it!_ Eren hissed in his mind. Squinting, his fingers found purchase on the cartilage of Rivaille's ear and he pulled hard. Rivaille cursed and unhinged his jaw from Eren's neck, panting. But the two were still tumbling downwards the world a blur outside from themselves.

SPLASH!

Eren let go and coughed as he inhaled a mouthful of water. He sat up and heaved, Scooping a handful of water he flushed his eyes and peered around. Rivaille was floating facedown in the water to his left.

"You deserve it Corporal!" he called out and purposely looked forwards, not at Rivaille. Rivaille did not say anything back.

"Corporal?" Eren called out timidly. Rivaille seemed to be face down for a good chunk of time. Still mad, he crawled to his senior's side and with a heave flipped the miniature man over. Rivaille's face was uncharacteristically white and he could not feel any breath passing from between the older boy's parted lips.

"Oh fuck. I think he's dead!" Eren panicked.

Grabbing Rivaille by the armpits he hauled the petite man out of the water and onto the shore. Kneeling besides his fallen comrade he ripped open Rivaille's shirt and laid an ear to his chest for a hint of a heartbeat. Nothing.

Overhead the sun seemed too bright, the sand too hot, and the body in front of him too dead. Tears welled up from his eyes and he crawled away and back to the shelter. He would have to find matches. And oil. A corpse in the desert would attract all kinds of creepy crawly things. Eren's fingers were shaking as he rooted through Rivaille's pack.

It was getting hard to breathe. Before when he was lost he somehow knew deep in his heart that Rivaille would come to find him. And it seemed that Rivaille had.

Memories come in more forms than one. In the back of his mind he remembered strong warm arms holding him, cradling him, the rhythmic lulling motion of another's footsteps far beneath him. Eren scratched at his face as a sob caught in his throat. It had to have been Rivaille whom he had just killed. Killed.

.

.

.

* * *

**~ A Few Minutes Earlier ~**

Myriads of bubbles escaped Rivaille's open mouth as his head was forced underwater. He could hear Eren splashing helplessly in the distance and smiled to himself as his mind took over and he instantly calmed. It couldn't hurt to give Eren a bit of a scare, could it? Concentrating he focused so that his heartbeat slowed until it was almost unnoticeable.

The splashing around him got closer and strong arms flipped him open so that he was floating face up in the water. His body was dragged up to dry ground and it took all of Rivaille's will not to break the charade too soon. His shirt was ripped open and he felt something press against his chest. Rivaille smiled on the inside as he heard Eren move away and the strangled cries that came from the direction of the shelter.

Step one of plan complete!

Cracking open his eyes, Rivaille peered around making sure that Eren was out of sight and took in a huge gulp of air. The hot sand felt good against his back but he grumbled at the ruined state of his shirt. One would think that Eren had a grudge against clothing.

The small man crept closer to the shelter placing one foot in front of the other without making a sound. Thirty feet later he was crouching behind the copper wash tub that was just to the left of the makeshift shelter door. Lifting with his legs, Rivaille gave a cursory yank on the handle of the copper tub. Empty, it lifted, if not easily. Settling down into a crouch the Corporal bit his hand in order to prevent a laugh. Inside he could hear Eren sobbing quietly. The kid deserved it, especially after the number of new cuts and scrapes Rivaille now sported.

His fingers were curled around the rim of the tub as he laid in wait for Eren and Rivaille was growing more bored by the minute especially as he had to listen to Eren's mangled sentences spaced between his whimpers.

"I...I...never meant to kill him!" Faded out from the shelter accompanied by more scrabbling, "What will the Military do when I come back solo. Will they kill me? They'll definitely kill me! And Erwin will ask for my head on a silver platter since I culled his little ass tart!"

Rivaille winced, _Don't go calling your senior's ass tarts!_ He hissed inside his head and prayed that Eren would get a move on with it. He was thirsty and tired sitting outside in the heat.

"And I've pretty much sealed the fate of humanity too! We're all gonna die! Heck, I don't even know how to get back home from here! It's not like the Military would send anyone to look for me either. I'm all alone. Really alone." Eren whispered to himself and hiccuped as he cried.

_Damn right it's your fault! And nope! You'll never make it home without me! You shoulda thought of that before HUH?_

"He even came to look for me. I know it was him now. But I'm so confused. And I won't get a second chance now. It's over." Eren rubbed his eyes dry and stumbled to his feet. Tucking the flint and oil that he had found under one arm he used a hand to push away the fabric shielding the opening of the shelter.

Outside Rivaille hoisted the tub up and over his head,

_You're right for once Eren, It's over_ Rivaille smiled.

Eren was looking straight ahead as his left foot took its first step outside. His feet were heavy and dragged on the ground. There was no warning but for a flash of metallic orange in his peripheral vision. The side of the tub connected with Eren's skull and the brunette slumped to the ground instantly unconscious.

Rivaille stooped and picked up the boy in his arms carrying him inside.

The petite man smiled.

.

.

.

* * *

Eyes lazily blinked open as Eren came to. Black. Everywhere. As his mind focused he realized that a dark fabric was covering his eyes. He tried to reach up a hand to brush the cloth away as he realized his hands could not move. The brunettes cheek was pressed harshly against what felt like a wool blanket so he guessed that he was inside the shelter again. Strange... last thing he remembered was walking out.

"So you're awake." a low voice called out to him, sweet and dark, "We're going to try to do this again. The right way. If you try to escape I won't hesitate to kill you."

Eren wiggled his fingers to get the blood circulating through them again, if only a little.

"Rivaille?" Eren called out hoarsely, "I KNOW IT'S YOU!" Not being able to see bothered Eren the most. When Rivaille was quiet he didn't know his senior's position in the tight room. Out of nowhere he felt a hand stroke his cheek and he writhed backwards and away. "Don't touch me, asshole!"

The hand backed off and Eren relaxed.

"Sorry" the voice said, "I didn't mean to startle you"

"Startle my ass! Untie me you beast!"

"I'm sorry but I can't do that" The hand came back and swept off the blindfold and Rivaille's face faded into focus. It was only now that his rage had mostly subsided that Eren could see how much damage he had done to Rivaille. The man still had bags under his eyes, rough cuts and scrapes along his cheek bones and over the bridge of his nose. Shamed, he averted his eyes when they fell on the drying scab on Rivaille's neck that he had caused.

"I'm sorry" Eren mumbled quietly. "Thank you for coming to get me...I know it was you now, and I know that I overreacted, and I'm sorry for causing so much trouble!"

Rivaille let the corner of his mouth betray his frown and ruffled the boy's hair.

"I'm sorry too."

Something was off, Eren thought. Rivaille was acting too nice! There was something he was forgetting still.

"WAIT!" Eren shouted out, "Rivaille is dead! Are you his ghost?!" The younger boy's face was whiter than a sheet and his body began to quake. Eren had never particularly liked the supernatural.

"Still my favorite idiot I see" Rivaille cackled as he could not hold in a laugh. Eren looked so pitiful and cute when he was afraid like he was begging to be teased. "Anyways... I wanted to apologise for back at the cliffs without worrying about you trying to kill me. I said some harsh stuff back there that was out of line. And honestly I feel bad about what happened in more than just a professional way. Uhm.. of course I want to keep my job, but...somehow... in the time we have been together I've come to like you as more than just a hunk of meat to train and protect."

Eren's face was the definition of confusion.

"UGH! I mean what i'm trying to say is...while we've been together I've learned your likes and your dislikes, and we've shared stories and meals and survived some difficult times and I don't dislike you as much as I thought I did. Losing you once was enough to prove that to me. The whole time you were off in the desert alone I was terrified that something bad had happened to you and that it would have been all my fault. And when I found you I thought that you were dead, and that was almost worse. And I can't get you out of my head or my chest and though sometimes I wish you would shut up and leave me alone...DON'T YOU EVER LEAVE ME AGAIN, IDIOT!~"

Rivaille dropped into a crouch and buried his face into his hands. Eren was silent whilst staring wide eyed at the small form that was the Corporal. His mind was drawn back to the mirage Mikasa and the conversation he had with his dead mother. _"Forgiveness is something that you give because you deserve peace of mind, even if the other person was wrong" Yes... Mother said that then...but that wasn't real._ Staring straight at Rivaille Eren spoke,

"I forgive you."

Rivaille's head snapped up and now Eren could see that the noirette's eyes were shiny. The oh so strong Corporal let out a low whimper and crawled forwards to sit besides Eren. His sides were shaking as the little man tried his best to take deep breaths, it was alright.

"Corporal...uhm I mean.., Rivaille, if that is okay...When I was in the desert I had time to think of some things while I was still conscious and I remembered some things too. That one night before you gave me extra hard workouts, at the mountain, I woke up with two blankets while I had gone to bed with only one. Was that Yours?"

Rivaille nodded, still shielding his face.

"And my visual memory is not that good, but I remember the feeling of being carried and I felt warm and safe. I'm guessing that was also you-"

Rivaille nodded again and a faint peachy blush spread across his cheeks.

"But there's one thing I can't work out. Why were you kissing me?"

Rivaille's body froze. It would be a huge relief if Eren ONLY remembered the mouth feedings.

"You were unconscious and hadn't eaten in days so I was mouth feeding you like momma birds do to their young" he mumbled softly and shifted so Eren could not see his face.

"I'm not talking about that!" Eren snorted, I figured that out on my own, "But my body remembers that when I was being carried, someone pressed a kiss, right here, on my forehead. I thought I was dreaming, but now I'm starting to think that it was you"

"Maybe" Rivaille squeaked and wished to be anywhere but in that shelter at the moment. Below him he heard Eren struggling against his bound hands but dared not look down. The kid was probably ready to do something horrible to him or shift into a titan and squish him like a rolly polly bug.

Dry lips lightly kissed his ankle and Rivaille jumped out of his skin at their touch, but he did not dare move.

"Thank you Rivaille," Eren whispered, "You might not think it was much... but that kiss pulled me through. I was ready to give up and die. And I know this must be embarrassing for you and honestly I'm confused too, but I want to return your kindness. Please!"

Rivaille said nothing but Eren knew from the way that Rivaille's body relaxed that his senior had said all right.

Again he kissed Rivaille's ankle, then followed a trail upwards with his lips since he could not with his hands. There was a swoop and Rivaille had pulled Eren up and onto his lap. Eren was dizzy and his wrists were raw from the bindings but all of that was broken by the sensation of soft cool lips on his own; the lips were kissing him, teasing him, loving him, and those lips were Rivaille. It was like drinking fresh water from a secluded mountain spring - pure and untouched.

Eren leaned in. He needed more than the fleeting touches. One taste had him yearning for another. He nipped at Rivaille's bottom lip and felt the blue eyed boy's arms come around his body to hold him tight. Tears were falling from Rivaille's eyes and rolling down the slopes of his face. Eren, seeing this, lapped them away with his tongue and kissed over the lines where each tear had been.

Wriggling upwards, Eren pressed his own forehead against Rivaille's in an eskimo kiss.

Their eyes met in a silent challenge, neither party willing to forfeit.

A hand came around to burrow itself in Eren's hair while the other pressed lightly into the small of his back as Rivaille broke first. Pulling the green eyed boy into him he claimed Eren's lips, and mouth, with his own, kissing, nipping, their bodies rolling against one another like tides do with the ocean waves. A small moan escaped from Eren's throat as Rivaille came around to suck on the lobe of Eren's ear in light tugs that lulled him into a dreamlight high with the occasional teeth that sent fireworks dancing up his nerve endings to his brain. Pants and moans were the music in that late afternoon light as the two slowly, and passionately, sunk to the floor.

In this heartless desert of never ending sands in which one easily lost themselves and their love, Rivaille was the oasis.

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_nana here~ Hello my lovely kittens! I hope you all are breathing a sigh of relief right now, or wiping your tears away with tissues, or rolling on the floor hugging your Corporal Levi body pillows...or just staring blankly at the computer screen. Haha. Anyways, I HAVE BIG NEWS! Next chapter the rating on this story will change to "M" in advance. To all the "T" readers, I will most likely state a warning at the beginning of each chapter if there will be some saucier stuff going on so that you innocent children can save yourselves before you read some *COUGHCOUGHCOUGH*. For some reason this chapter was really hard to write, partially because I am getting ready to move halfway around the world whooo. I will try my best, but **REVIEWWWWWWWWWWWWW PLEASE! they make me so happy you have no idea!**_

As always, I love My little cake(lovesyou), eyyy(you cute), IsyPerolla(hearts), Jeager's Paradise, shioris-secret-obcession, shadowgirlalot, firedragonmaiden(you make me laugh), secretbond99, kimchimichi, THANK YOU for REVIEWING! :D

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Until Next Time!. . .


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